Things just keep changing in my family. My wife's bf is in jail for some kind of drug charge. She is done with him and is now filled with grief for what she has done to our kids and I guess to me as well. She has been texting me and came over because she wanted to talk with me. The amazing thing to me is that I no longer want her back. Me, the same man who would have done anything to get her back even one month ago, who prayed each day for her to come to her senses, and now I am sure that there is no way that we will reunite. I have grown and changed. Part of it, of course, is that I am still hurt and angry over what she did to me and what she put me through. That was unconscionable and I can't forgive that easily. She chose a drug addict over me and her children. No amount of talking to her by anyone made any difference. She basically went crazy for six months. The wreckage she caused with her kids will be there for a long time. My daughter doesn't trust her yet and my son is very quiet on the issue. She feels a lot of remorse. She asked me if I was seeing someone and I just paused for a long moment. I felt no need to answer her and wanted her to feel some of that pain that she caused me. I don't feel like I am getting revenge on her, in fact, I feel sorry for her, but I am not foolish enough to let her hurt me again. What I am sure about is that we are not compatible anymore. She doesn't like me and to tell the truth I don't respect or like her. She is pretty and she is needy, two things that I respond to, but she will have to go somewhere else. She likes to spend money freely; I prefer to find a bargain. She likes loads of people all the time; I prefer a few close friends. These are not things that are good or bad, just differences. She was jealous of how much I loved my job and she has nothing like that is her life. While she was raising the kids she was busy but since they are leaving she has no idea of what to do with her time. We will get divorced. Hopefully things will be cordial and we will be able to interact as needed for our kids. She will get a big pile of cash from the sale of our home and I will pay her alimony for however long is fair. I don't begrudge her that. I feel good about being me and having the kind of life that I want to live and I hope that she can find the same, just not near me please.
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Wow. Things do keep changing for you and your family. I know what you mean about it being difficult to forgive what they did. I often wonder if they are just absolutely devoid of any awareness whatsoever of the damage they have done. If they are aware, they clealy don\'t care. Either way, it seems that anyone who could be that clueless or that uncaring certainly isn\'t someone I want to have a marital relationship with. I would so rather have my life than his, mine might hurt alot but at least it is a thoguhtful & examined life and I am growing as a human being.
That, my friend, is a personal breakthough and I could\'nt be happier for you. You have gone through a lot in a short time. I would caution you to remain vigilant about your feelings. You don\'t want to repress any more hurt than you have to. I believe that a person in our possition works through alot and some pain gets tucked away, under the carpet, if you will. If you have access to a counselor get a tune-up, otherwise keep doing what you\'re doing. Felicidades!
You are thinking smart right now. Sometimes when people deal with others that are in the drug world they end up on drugs or going through the same similiar codependent states. She did not go down the right road as far as getting into a relationship with someone selling drugs. That is crazy in my opinion. I will be nice to here but I would set boundaries and take care of yourself and your children. If you get back into her world you will never ever be comfortable and you will always be panaroid. You are doing a great job by not becoming emotional attached to her and not even giving her any of those signs. If you don\'t then she would probably get mixed feelings.
I would advice going through counselor and get help as much as you can. You will not go wrong. I went through al-non/aa meetings for someone that was hurting me and it helped.
Reading that gave me chills. I could not be happier for you, dear friend. HUGE hugs, Laura
Good for you TSand! Enjoy the start of you fresh life.
Kudos to you, glad to hear that you are in control of your feelings and thoughts, with no bitter after taste. I take my hat off to you.
Wow TSand - What a break through for you. I\'m so glad that you aren\'t going to cave to her, just because she\'s pretty and needy. The only reason why she\'s needy now is because she doesn\'t have someone and you are intelligent enough to know that. Letting her back into your life would be allowing a cancer back into your body. Okay, maybe I shouldn\'t be so hard on her. I\'m sorry. But it sounds have if you are content with yourself and you have found the \"real\" you again. Be that person. Actually, you need to be that person for yourself and your children. She\'ll flop right back to where she was when she finds another. I don\'t know about your state\'s rules but MO normally doesn\'t give alimony only child support. I didn\'t even ask for it..I can stand on my own two feet! You stay strong! Cheryl
Wow I am really proud of you. You are seeing things clearly and seeing that you don\'t have to settle. You are taking care of you and your children. I am so proud of you.
You sound like you have it together. It is good to have resolve. I too would not take him back--but then again he has not asked either. It would be somewhat comforting to at least know he had some remorse. But I think he is too busy with his new love. You stay strong and focused.
Tsand, I have been reading you for months now and this last entry sums up the whole situation perfectly. You have arrived at the pinnacle of personal power, internal strength, to resist temptation, and stand your ground. Do you have any idea how really huge that is? I am following in your foot steps, as I am almost free from my own bondage in a wrecked marriage. Your approach to this mind numbing problem has been spot on. Sensei. I am following. Marc.
Wow, your statements always blow me away! I have to log out and think about that for a while. I\'m happy for you tho. Take care, E.
wow... i\'ve finally had time to read so many journals and I can\'t tell you how yours made me smile... there is hope for all of us to make it to the point you have.. what a wonderful realization you felt here... awesome posting this was : ))
Tony I\'m there too. Mine has not asked to come back but I expect in the future he will see how big the mistake was. I\'m so proud of you for processing things and finding the reality...knowing your needs and redefining your happiness. Perhaps your changing will force your wife to grow too.
You sound like you want a \"healthy\" relationship with someone, someday!! I know it\'s hard. You have been a friend to me. Thank you. Yep, she screwed up. I did the same thing. Married 18 years, gave it up... and to this day I regret it. She will too, believe me. My life and my girls grew. They are adults now. You know, I\'ve told you about them....Natalie does what you do and she absolutely LOVES it with all her heart. You be good and be good to yourself. Read some more William Blake!!
Wow, as bad as I still want my stbx back, I wonder if I would feel the same way. I guess I want him back, but now if I will feel like the backup plan. I\'d rather be wanted for me. Not because he has nothing else.