how do other people handle this? i have had nightmares all my life about people i love dying horrible deaths and their flesh being ripped open or them being eaten by sharks or some other animal, or their flesh rotting...and this cancer of toms is like a combination of my nightmares..i hadnt been able to face changing the bandages since day before yesterday..today it had to be done and the cancer is more grotesque than ever...so much bigger than just two days ago..i look into his beloved face, and its right there on the side disfiguring him more each day and i think soon he wont look like tom any more..will i be able to hold up? to still love him and be there for him until the end?? how can i? how can i not ? i have started drinking to cope..not alot..just start in the morning and go thru a little all day..a bottle every 4 days or so just enuf to keep a slight buzz and it is the only thing i've found that helps.....never have drunk alcohol before except a social glass on special occasions...seems like my nightmares are becoming real...i can only imagine what it will look like in a couple more weeks..