a new day

I was reading back on some of my journals when I started ,   how many times  this this site has saved my sainty and even today I feel better  knowing I can always come here ,  my past post  some of them  hurt me to read  as the e was so  out  of control  yet even today I try  to deny this thing I have ..  how sad that I wish I could cut this vile ugly part of me away . and yes it did and does rob me of so much- I know I am one of the lucky ones , least mine is mostly controlled but its always hiding waiting . tho I push the thought away I know one day the monster will find me again- for at times I feel it, for that brief moment ,for the tears I cry when I shouldn't I know that's this is e for I was a stong person . but I am in more control  now than I was ,I hate popping pills ,    but again I am  blessed  but I don't care what  you say yellow man e is ugly and destroys happiness lives are messed over for ever .