here it is sat .morn .i have the coffee perking and the dog just came back in  from  out doors -mmmm wonder why he hurried ?(lol) its very cold here 30 degrees -snowing yesterday but didnt lay but sure looked pretty .i have always did better in colder weature .     i had a dr .appt .yesterday with  regular neuruologist who  sees me .i wrote  down questions as normally it is feel this feel this ,push  ,pull ,see you in 3 months and then our part of the bill is over a 100 dollars and this is every 3 months ,my work insurance picks up the rest .              anway  i am  doing good people as i knew i was ------smile      tho i still am fighting with anger  spells that come on  fast ?and  crying  spells -o lord how i hate these as i can not cry  in front of people ,my husband knows and  respects that i must go in the bathroom and get a grip its just been beat into us as children that we must never show emotion the rest i have got over -and i made sure i never was so cruel to raise my children this way !he said start back to work monday -that is good -it is time ,i am scared ,but i will ask the boss to ease me in with maybe a fewer eves .instead of 40 hours right off the bat  maybe for 2 weeks .                  he wants me to start the increase in the lamictal tonight so i will be on two a day ,i ask if it will be  really nessary  since i am doing so good and he said yes that  it  could help the mood swings i am having as it it is also perscribed  for people with  psycriatric disorders .that it may even my anger and crying out as it builds up in my system .then i ask him about the zonegram my husband and i had been discussing  this and because i felt so much like the old me this past week more and more ,laughing some ,wanting to go out,to see people ,able to understand and talk and decide and N0 WAVES - ,,,NO SZS,sleep how nice ,tho i know i still zone i am getting there !!!!!we werent sure about messing totaly with the dossage -coming off it tho its quite espensive even on our our part with insurance -he stopped dead and looked at me and said from some someone i have had to fight every inch to take a pill to now you want to stay on this what a change .but he saw a different person .he told us he was not ready  to me off the zonegram and would see me in 4 months !not 3 so that is great i am doing good a extra month with out the head dr .smile .this has been a long one  i am sorry  but its because i wanted my friends to know i appreciate you all being there for me tho i failed you ,i coulnt comprehend   enough to write to say thank you as you showed you cared ,shawna