things are so jumbled yellow friend ,i want to fight i want to cry i want to find that hole and hide ,its such a mess and i cant seem to get it right ,it comes out all twisted and ,if i stop and try to take a breathe i get so scared as i feel the odd feelings going thru me ,i cant make anyone understand how i feel ,and then i give up as it seems pointless they can never see my pain i seem to be feeling at present ,and all i think stems because my brain has to be a scew up and not allow me to do what a normal person could do ,darn it life wasnt never a bowl of cherries -but we were happy and making it and i was even learnuing to accept this vile e ,but its so hard to accept i will be stupid all my life .