back

The nerve damage in my back is apparently not going to heal itself like I had hoped it would. So I am going to see a surgeon on the 28th to see what he suggests be done. Its not the thought of getting cut on that bothers me so much as it is the fear of being in a hospital. Hospitals are a mental problem for me driven by past experience, I cant get past a feeling of being confined. I had a recent experience and I am unclear about the meaning. While in an MRI machine I thought, no correction, I saw the face of Jesus after falling into deep panic. Say what you will, imagined, dreamed, drugs whatever,,, but I saw I saw him. A friend of mine recently experienced healing of some very serious problems, healed by faith in God. Call that what you will but it is real and confirmed buy a doctor. God what is it I need to do to please you. I don't mean to ask God for instant healing, I don't even mind being physically a mess until the day I pass away. God its peace in my mind I ask you to give me. Forgiveness I guess is the proper request, I have many times previously prayed for it and have been taught you have forgiven. Forgive myself is what needs to be done? I don't know how God. Could you just erase the memory from my mind if self forgiveness is what I am lacking? I am tired and lost in my own thought again now pain influences my thought as do the meds I take to reduce the pain. Time for a walk. Bye. I am sorry joe and god please forgive me.