4Pm Back at work after a couple of days off. First day off I was a mess, spent most of the day in the bed. Second day was much better actually a fun day spent mostly outside. Then today on a down swing again. The coaster ride just goes on and on.  I don’t want to subject my family to any more fallout from my physical and mental weakness, but how? It has been a long emotional and financial burden that they do not deserve. Now I find myself hiding from family and friends.  I know it’s not good for me but that’s the way it is, I don’t want to drag anyone down with me any more. I can’t afford more doctors, drugs and the likes; to be honest writing in this journal has helped as much as they have anyway.