Struggling :-)

I am so tired.  I have been so positive for a long time, despite losing mobility.  I can walk anywher from 50-150 steps.   How did this happen?  Lately I feel like life is stacked against me.  I had a major exacerbation that has left me far worse.  Then when I got out of the hospital, It has been super hot.  I barely move when I am hotNow the spasticity is in all of my body, except my right arm.  And I haven't had much of a break from these symptoms.  It used to come and go or be so minor.  I am on 80 mg a day of Baclofan and 12-16 mg of tizanidine.  I am still very spastic and in pain.  I have been sleeping in a electic lounge chair.  I am so tired I feel nuts.  I am still working, thanks to my husbands help.  I still drive cause my right arm and foot still workI go a week from today for the Baclofan Pump.  I soent the night in the trial for the pump having to pee in a bed pan and have people turn and wipe me clean.  I am so humble, or rather somewhat mortified.  This wasn't supposed to be my life.
The strain of this all on my marriage is breaking my heart.  My husband still helps, but I can see little joy in his helping.  He used to be more joyful in helping.  I feel like I am turning into a nasty and unkind person.. I try to be nice.  Then the pain, lack of sleep, and anger take over and I suck the Joy out of my husband.  I feel very little joy these days.  It has been like this for a month.  I miss myself.  Where have I gone and how do I get myself back.  How do I live like this?  I usually cry daily.  The kind os tears and sobs from deep down inside.  I guess that makes today a good day.