I am not doing this anymore....I am throwing away all of my drugs... and the vodka and taking away the pain killersI can't be on all kinds of drugs anymore.Tylenol helps with anxiety like nothing ever has... I took about 2.5 grams yesterday and I was "slow" and amazing the whole day. Nothing hurt too much to bare. But I don't think it's healthy to numb myself out. Why should I have to? I am going to email my dick professor who has been ignoring me again. I am going to explain everything to them. I am going to submit my assignment when I can. I feel like I need to be numb to email my professors. I feel too afraid and flared up to do it without. I wish I could speak to someone on the phone or have someone be beside me while I email them. I am going to include that I do not want to speak in person because I know I could not contain my emotions and I can't deal with that stress.I don't want to get to the point where I am painting my walls in rainbow colours again... I just do not need to be that stressed, ever. I wish a single person in the world could talk to me about what I am going through or even just hug me and mean it, without knowing.
I called the school to book an appointment with a counsellor and they told me I am ineligible because I am not in a program anymore. I don't want to make an appointment with my own doctor because she thinks I am a burden and I don't like the way she treats me... last time I went she told me she didn't think she was gonna see me for a while, and I just don't like the way she talks to me.The school person told me she would send me external links but she hasn't. I don't know whether I should call a crisis centre or not... I think I might. I need someone to talk to.