D:

Today I woke up feeling like poo... I'm sorry for avoiding online right now. I haven't logged on IM since I got back from vacation and don't know when I will. I just feel like Controlling everything and hiding away. I'm constantly plagued by the fact that I'm running out of money in my savings...No job leads.  I know seasonal help should be coming up, but last year I never got anything so I'm scared it will be the same this year as well. And even if I did, it would only be for a few months. I'm so screwed. I keep hearing my cousins voice in the back of my head over and over again (her telling her friends not to go to college for what I did because you will become a dead beat like me) I also have never felt more alone then I do right now in life. I'm disgusted with having to watch everyone close to me get married and start families...I'm supposed to be happy for them?! Well, of course I am...But I'm just left with the fact that I'm alone, broke and with no quality of life. Dead beat.
My friend came by yesterday, he was supposed to pick me up so we could hang out for the evening...but he instead just shows up to pick up his b-day gift. I felt taken for granted, especially after my brother made the remark he should just tell all of his friends to drop by and pick up some gifties from me too:P So I guess I have become a doormat.
All I want is someone and something... But I have nothing....