Update

Still ranting about my cousin. She has been MIA for the past 3 weeks now. Nobody knows where she is living, who's she's with, or if she even found a job to support herself. My Aunt threw her out for the last time and of ocourse didn't tell anyone. Someone would have come to help her, I'm sure my aunt told her otherwise though. I haven't honestly been thinking about her all that much. Maybe that's why when I finally sit down and wonder, I start to freak out. I've never been homeless so I have no idea how scary things might be for her.  My parents put our house up for sale. They plan to move about 2 1/2 hours west of here. Pretty much they are moving where I lived when I went to my hell hole university. I not only do not want to move with them, but I know it wouldn't even be a wise descision because it's a extremely small town right next to a small college town. No jobs, no where to go to have fun,  and jacked up prices. My parents don't want me to come with them anyway. They told me I have to find my own place to move to. Well I would be fine and dandy with that if I had some sort of a job and a steady paycheck. I don't. I don't have a cent to my name and I still have bills to pay. I've been using all of my enheritance money to pay them off and it's running out fast. I'm starting to feel the stress of everything once again. For the past 4 years I have been feeling like the sky is literally falling down on me. I have no friends to move in with, one of my aunts or uncles is my only hope. I'm worried my cousin may have used up any charity they had left in them.  Lately my depression has been acting slightly obscurely. I become rather clever about how to handle it. I just shut out all the shit. I pretend my home isn't being taken away from me, I have no test coming up, it's fine that I don't have a job, and that even though I rarely leave my house for anything somehow I still have a sociable life. I've just been cramming everything in a box and hiding deep inside of me, but I feel the box starting to get full of shit I'm knee deep in. Because of me hiding everything away my energy has been lifted, but my sadness has seemed to double. Periotically I just start to cry and can't seem to stop. i've always been that way, but now it's starting to happen in public. This weekend when I went to the grocery store as I was picking up some apples I just started balling. I think everyone must have thought I was a lunatic, like I thought the appels had said something mean to me or something.