I did the family thing tonight. Only a few of us there though. I guess we have drifted apart and families have broken off and gone in their own directions. My dad was there. Nieces and nephews, my brother and  his wife.
The abuser brother showed up and sat next to me. I think the only words I spoke to him were "Hi, how ya doing?"
When he first walked in ( I had been anticipating his arrival) I looked at him and thought, "There you are. You abused me. You are still creepy. You still like young girls and can only think of them in sexual terms. Girls only have sexual value. Women have none. 
I have never looked at him like that before. I have never looked at him and admitted to myself what he did to me.
He called me one night a couple of months ago and told me how he had , after 20 years, professed his love for a woman he knows. She rejected him. I didn't want to hear about this. I knew he cared about her. He couldn't tell her for all those years. I couldn't help but think that he couldn't tell her because he was/is too afraid of a grown woman. Of course she rejected him. He never really mentally developed past the age of 14.
 
I made it through the night. I looked at my family in a different light and it wasn't all bad. I was glad I could look at abuser brother with open eyes. I could look at him without shutting down, without denial. I did ok.