I am getting panicky. The day started out ok except I was really tired. Then there was that mini presentation that I went to. Damn...The woman presenting her program/study was great. Then it came our turn to explain to her what our programs were and how our clients may fit into her study. Katherine went on for 30 fucking minutes. really??? About 20 minutes into her droning my sinus imploded. My whole face hurt, my eyes hurt and my ears felt plugged up. Then it was time to speak. I froze, I went blank. My head was in a total fog.
So great. I look like a dumbass once again. . I was humiliated beyond belief. It didn't help that I got the "it's ok honey" from my new boss/not boss.
Once again my body feels like shit and I start feeling overwhelmed. I come home and look at my mail cubby and get anxious because I haven't taken my mail out in a long time. I come in the apartment and go to the bedroom to change. I see dirty laundry and feel overwhelmed. I am just overwhelmed by everything. I want this life, my situation, everything to go away. I am stressed because I want to be with family yet I want to be alone. I'm conflicted about what I should do. I thought I had made my choice but now I am not sure.
I'm worried that tdoc will get in an accident while traveling. I worried about something else I can't pinpoint. I'm scared, angry, and confused.
I was triggered by an article that I read and now I am in my man hating phase. I haven't really been there much lately but here it is.
I just ate a whole stack of graham crackers.
I feel so bad about myself right now.
So great. I look like a dumbass once again. . I was humiliated beyond belief. It didn't help that I got the "it's ok honey" from my new boss/not boss.
Once again my body feels like shit and I start feeling overwhelmed. I come home and look at my mail cubby and get anxious because I haven't taken my mail out in a long time. I come in the apartment and go to the bedroom to change. I see dirty laundry and feel overwhelmed. I am just overwhelmed by everything. I want this life, my situation, everything to go away. I am stressed because I want to be with family yet I want to be alone. I'm conflicted about what I should do. I thought I had made my choice but now I am not sure.
I'm worried that tdoc will get in an accident while traveling. I worried about something else I can't pinpoint. I'm scared, angry, and confused.
I was triggered by an article that I read and now I am in my man hating phase. I haven't really been there much lately but here it is.
I just ate a whole stack of graham crackers.
I feel so bad about myself right now.
Replies
Your sinuses are something you have zero control over. (I use saline to help, I have terrible sinuses from a broken nose). It may have embarrassed you and I\'m sorry for that but it seems your boss/not boss was concerned and wanted you to know that it is indeed ok. It always seems worse in our own minds.
Breathe..... I feel that way and it was terrible when I was working. I admire your ability to work, I really do. Little tips that help me? Do a little at the time so you don\'t burn out. I am a messy person.. laundry everywhere and I set things down when I could hang it up or put it away. It helps me to put dirty laundry in one pile, even if its still dirty at least it has its own spot. Mail? I get the \"you better get your mail or I\'m going to send it back\" from the mailman. Fine!!! I don\'t want it, lol.
I believe things will happen when they need to. I used to get overwhelmed a lot - everything looked messy and out of place. I tried to remind myself its a stage and I can get through it. You are a wonderful person and you can get through this. Hugs and lots of support.