Today was a little hard. Sometimes I feel that bewildering anger and heavy aching so deeply, almost like the day that Levi died. Now, I want to hide from it instead of fight it. I've always been a fighter, never accepting the unacceptable.Death can not be fought once it's done it's deed. I know that is what rips at my soul, that I can not change that my child, my son is dead.We brought him his potted flowers today and I felt that old yet new pain through my body again. I wanted to tear the earth up and let the anger take me over....how sad and unfair this has been.My emotional state only hurts me and those around me. I have to remember that I am still here for a reason. My children are so beautiful and they give me strength.I remember how perfect he was. I miss him. I had so many dreams. We all did.