Sometimes I wish that God gave us the big book of answers to everything, don't we all!?Kids are hard, marriage is harder but to lose either is worse. I looked for potted flowers today for Levi and was bewildered and so sad again. I wonder if anyone sees my tears hiding behind my eyes as I look for a gift for my baby.i'll see him again, if it weren't for that knowledge, I'd shatter, I am sure of that.Life goes on even when we don't want it to and as we trudge through our grief, we are blessed in other ways that help us to know that we really haven't been forgotten. My blessings have done that for me though i still hurt and yearn for Levi. As his mother I always will yearn for him and wish to see his smile.I imagine him as a man sometimes....with curly locks of blonde hair and a shy smile. His eyes would still be so big and blue and his laugh would be so strong and contagious. I love to think of him in that way.I hope that everyone is well, thank you Leosmommy for your hugs and new friendship and thank you to everyone for your love.
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i feel exactly the same way you do. i too wonder how jakobe would look now and in the future, especially when i see other little boys. i still thank god for blessing me to be a mother. i hope you are well too. god bless.
You are the greatest mom, and Levi was so lucky to have you. He couldn\'t have been loved more. I know he\'s around you and the baby and his other two siblings! You guys are basically all he knew and loved so thats where he\'ll be. Sometimes I wonder if my sister is with me, or her millions of friends, or my mom, or my grandma. It\'s kind of hard. I miss her so much and know my kids would have loved her and her them. She only got to know I had 3 boys that she was more like a sibling too. But when I was pregnant with my first girl, she died. So I always wonder if she knows them. And I am soooo sad that they never get to meet her. I think Zachary being born, causes some bitter/sweet feelings naturally, but overall, I think he was a godsend to distract you just enough, that you dont feel like u r dying inside. He\'s a contribution to your healing. We all know you will never STOP grieving Levi, or stop wishing he was there. You and he had a tighter bond than anyone. Nothing stronger than a mommy/son bond. I love u, and hope you are feeling happiness without guilt.
\"Kids are hard, marriage is harder but to lose either is worse.\"
Wow, you are 1 wise person and truer words were never spoken. I know what you mean about wanting to find things to put on our babies graves. I spent time yesterday looking for a pinwheel to spin in the breeze...couldn\'t find the right one yet. I too imagine what Leo would have looked like. He had his Daddy\'s face, but I think he would have gotten my red hair.
Thank YOU for your friendship.....you really do give me hope. How have the panic attacks been for you?.....Jennie
You really summed it up by saying \"Kids are hard,marriage is harder but to lose either is worse\". It didn\'t occur to me that way. I hope you\'re doing well, and I\'m praying for you and your family. Hugs~Stephanie