I'm a wreck still but that's okay. I have to revert to the basics to make it I guess, meening, one step at a time, one breath at a time. I hate it, no joke. i don't deal well with realizing how weak i am right now. I'm having another baby and I'm scared. I'm so scared that I can't even go there, it's too deep. That's a first for me, which scares me more. Is this normal? Have any of you been here? I'm nearly paralized inside and out. I want to run like hell but i can't, I'm a mother. I'm always a mother....
I'm not ungrateful. But, why now? My new son will be here just over a year since my levi left. Why now? I will love him more than words can describe. But, I'm so scared to meet him.
I don't get how people can lose their baby and not be an absolute wreck when they have another. This is not how it should be. I want to just be thrilled, only thrilled and filled with curiosity about this wonderous little man twirling inside of me. But, I'm crying! I'm terrified! And I'm thrilled. What a mix.
I'm having anxiety attacks almost every day for a week. This is crazy... i'm so embarassed. But, these attacks are real and very hard to manage through. So hard. If anyone knows about where I'm at, please give me a heads up on whatever you can. New birth after loss and anxiety attacks. That's my spot now. I just need to know that there's hope. Honestly. Please don't just pat me on my back,though I appreciate that when you do, i need something strong and realistic.
If you have something like that, please share....
I'm not ungrateful. But, why now? My new son will be here just over a year since my levi left. Why now? I will love him more than words can describe. But, I'm so scared to meet him.
I don't get how people can lose their baby and not be an absolute wreck when they have another. This is not how it should be. I want to just be thrilled, only thrilled and filled with curiosity about this wonderous little man twirling inside of me. But, I'm crying! I'm terrified! And I'm thrilled. What a mix.
I'm having anxiety attacks almost every day for a week. This is crazy... i'm so embarassed. But, these attacks are real and very hard to manage through. So hard. If anyone knows about where I'm at, please give me a heads up on whatever you can. New birth after loss and anxiety attacks. That's my spot now. I just need to know that there's hope. Honestly. Please don't just pat me on my back,though I appreciate that when you do, i need something strong and realistic.
If you have something like that, please share....
Replies
Of course you\'re scared. You have every right to be. You lost your last child to SIDS. You know, the odds are in your favor that is won\'t happen again. Having a baby is scary to begin with, and all the hormonal changes going on and all. Of course you are scared! What you are feeling is prefectly normal and to be expected. Please feel a \'little\" reassured knowing that how you feel is ok, that any woman in your position would feel the same and that it does not make you weak. If makes you STRONG to reach out and you will get through this. I promise.
As I said in your private message, I believe it is all guilt. You are feeling like you are in some way replacing little Levi. You dont feel like u should ever love another baby as much as him! And you may be a little tiny bit resentful at this baby without even realizing it, because somwhere in you head, you feel like you must be trying to replace Levi. BUT U ARENT! U can love anew baby and enjoy him very much without \"Being over Levi\". Or without STILL LOVING LEVI!!! You will always always always LOVE LEVI!!! AND ZACK! Did u feel any of this when you were pregnant with the twins, about your older boy? You were probably really excited with their birth. Like you were adding them to your son, and it would be so nice and happy. You are entitled to that same happy event. Levi will never go away in your mind, heart and soul. And Zack will grow up knowing Levi through pictures, and hearing about him from you and family. Try to let go of these pains, and guilts. And KNOW that Zack has the best guardian angel in the whole world!!!! I love u! Nichole
People have anxiety for many different reasons. Sometimes when we feel overwhelmed mentally and physically we feel like we are having anxiety attacks. I have been there too and I know that it feels very embarassing. Don\'t beat yourself up over it. \"This too shall Pass\". Just take deep a deep breath and remember Levi\'s beautiful smile. He can and will comfort you. Zack will feel you relax too and thus know how special his brother is. My heart aches for my little christopher too and when I feel sad I know he is trying to comfort me. God Bless You.