Hey everyone...today was better. I was sure that I finally lost my mind yesterday, truly, i was sure.
I still don't know aht happened eactly, i've actually felt like that before. it's only happened a few times, but still too many.
I will talk to my doc about it, I already know that he'll suggest anxiety medication, which is fine after I have the baby on the 27th. I won't take psych meds while pregnant. I don't care what they tell me (unless i have another episode before i give birth, then I'll have to be more open).
I talked with my attourney yeatrerday and we are scheduled for the 11th of July for our first hearing with my ex. Quite a while to wait. So, i decided to stop caring until we get closer. I'm already crazy enough (obviously!).
THe world is pushy about grieving fast, i have known that almost from the start of this journey. My one friend never even mentions Levi any more and she's back to her old vain, self centered self, that only took about two weeks after he died. I'm not feeling neglected, no, I already did all of that, I just wonder how anyone could ever think that our loss only hurt us for a couple of weeks or months. they must be insane themselves. i can get so angry about that. It's like the drama is over and they have moved on to the next dramatic event. it makes me sick in a way.
No one understands until it's them. I know that. But, I'm done with handling things as others would have me. I'm going to talk about him even if I sound crazy and I'm not going to care if it makes anyone uncomfortable. He is still my child and i want to remember him.
I'm so sleepy so i'll close for tonight. The baby will be here soon so I'd better enjoy the little bit of sleep that i get now.
I still don't know aht happened eactly, i've actually felt like that before. it's only happened a few times, but still too many.
I will talk to my doc about it, I already know that he'll suggest anxiety medication, which is fine after I have the baby on the 27th. I won't take psych meds while pregnant. I don't care what they tell me (unless i have another episode before i give birth, then I'll have to be more open).
I talked with my attourney yeatrerday and we are scheduled for the 11th of July for our first hearing with my ex. Quite a while to wait. So, i decided to stop caring until we get closer. I'm already crazy enough (obviously!).
THe world is pushy about grieving fast, i have known that almost from the start of this journey. My one friend never even mentions Levi any more and she's back to her old vain, self centered self, that only took about two weeks after he died. I'm not feeling neglected, no, I already did all of that, I just wonder how anyone could ever think that our loss only hurt us for a couple of weeks or months. they must be insane themselves. i can get so angry about that. It's like the drama is over and they have moved on to the next dramatic event. it makes me sick in a way.
No one understands until it's them. I know that. But, I'm done with handling things as others would have me. I'm going to talk about him even if I sound crazy and I'm not going to care if it makes anyone uncomfortable. He is still my child and i want to remember him.
I'm so sleepy so i'll close for tonight. The baby will be here soon so I'd better enjoy the little bit of sleep that i get now.
Replies
People have a hard time knowing what to do. Sometimes I hate the fact that everyone else is going on with their lives and mine other than existing has stopped. I am trying hard to rejoin the world. I had a girlfriend call me Sunday who wants the old Kathy back and wants to help me get her back. What she doesn\'t know is she\'s gone. Someday a new Kathy will emerge but the old one is gone. My father tells me to be aware of well minding people. I know they think they are helping but their not there pushing and I won\'t be pushed. This is our time now. I know we will get alittle stronger everyday even though at times we don\'t think so but we are. Also because people don\'t know what to say, sometimes we do need to extend the olive branch and see what happens. Lots of hugs, Kathy
I know exactly what you mean! People flooded our house with flowers, cards, food, visits etc.... Then within a month, no mention of my little sister. And from that, I learned that when someone else has a death in their family, I always bring up happy memories of the person, or ask how they are doing around it. And for the most part, I think people respect that. My kids always say \"Mom dont bring that up, they dont want to hurt and think of it\". So I explain to them how I felt when no one mentioned their auntie! And I know they want to know people remember!!! So you know kids are innocent, and if that\'s their natural assumption, then it\'s most peoples assumption. I\'m NOT saying speed your healing or grief, and dont bring up LEVI!!! You do what U need to and what comes natural for you!!! It took me a LONG time to be ok around my sisters death. And it will NEVER be done or gone!! She was a 13 year part of my life. And Levi grew in you, moved in you, kicked around inside of you and then went through so much after birth to survive!! Their is NO GREATER BOND than between a mom and baby!! I think you are doing awesome!!! I think of you and it gives me strength to go on. SO carry on at your speed, whether slow, fast or stuck for a while!! Luv Nichole~~