My grandmother (another grandma, of course!) asked me tonight if I was going to use Levi's clothes for our new baby. I thought, have i not already gone through this with everyone? i wasn't angry, but unnerved. but, she's older and probably doesn't recall us dicussing it before.
I put them away and i will always keep them. Call me insane, I don't care. He's not here and I get that, but he's still my baby.
My friend is a councelor, primarily for children with home life issues. I met her when I left my first husband, she worked with my oldest son as we transitioned from the abuse of my ex husband. Her name is ms. T. she sure is special and strong.
Anyway, she lost her infant son many years ago (she's an older woman). She told me that after seven years she finally accepted her son's death. She just realized that he was really gone. Her son's name was David.
the story about David reminded me of Levi becasue David was born with an illness and died from it at 9 months old. Ge was thin and sickly because of the illness, she tried so hard to get him to eat and to help him get better but nothing she did changed his condition.
People scolded her and stared at them and blamed her for how he looked. She was devestated and helpless. The doctors hardly helped, since it was so long ago, they knew so little.
I remember the looks people gave me over Levi before his surgery. I would get so mad and defensive. I always felt like the world didn't accept him because he looked different.
His twin, Lacey, was flawless. She was dainty and delicate and had a head full of soft auburn hair.
Levi had an odd shaped head and was miserable for months. His eyes were bulgy and people didn't know what to say. Some would ask what was wrong with him and I'd want to choke them, to be honest.
Anyway, after his surgery, people were better with him but I was still mad. I always protected him. This world is so vain as a whole. People can be so quick to think things when they have no idea of the truth.
I am angry at times about that. But, i decided a long time ago that the only real difference that i can make is to be the opposit. I will hold a baby that is different and I will hold a person who is misunderstood. I will also remember my experiences on this journey to help someone live through their's.
I miss my baby. We fought so hard. We thought that we had overcome all the obstacles. We had, we really had. Then, he was gone. No one could tell us why or how.
He was meant to leave, I know that. But, all of us who have lossed know that fate still hurts when we stand with our aching arms empty.
I put them away and i will always keep them. Call me insane, I don't care. He's not here and I get that, but he's still my baby.
My friend is a councelor, primarily for children with home life issues. I met her when I left my first husband, she worked with my oldest son as we transitioned from the abuse of my ex husband. Her name is ms. T. she sure is special and strong.
Anyway, she lost her infant son many years ago (she's an older woman). She told me that after seven years she finally accepted her son's death. She just realized that he was really gone. Her son's name was David.
the story about David reminded me of Levi becasue David was born with an illness and died from it at 9 months old. Ge was thin and sickly because of the illness, she tried so hard to get him to eat and to help him get better but nothing she did changed his condition.
People scolded her and stared at them and blamed her for how he looked. She was devestated and helpless. The doctors hardly helped, since it was so long ago, they knew so little.
I remember the looks people gave me over Levi before his surgery. I would get so mad and defensive. I always felt like the world didn't accept him because he looked different.
His twin, Lacey, was flawless. She was dainty and delicate and had a head full of soft auburn hair.
Levi had an odd shaped head and was miserable for months. His eyes were bulgy and people didn't know what to say. Some would ask what was wrong with him and I'd want to choke them, to be honest.
Anyway, after his surgery, people were better with him but I was still mad. I always protected him. This world is so vain as a whole. People can be so quick to think things when they have no idea of the truth.
I am angry at times about that. But, i decided a long time ago that the only real difference that i can make is to be the opposit. I will hold a baby that is different and I will hold a person who is misunderstood. I will also remember my experiences on this journey to help someone live through their's.
I miss my baby. We fought so hard. We thought that we had overcome all the obstacles. We had, we really had. Then, he was gone. No one could tell us why or how.
He was meant to leave, I know that. But, all of us who have lossed know that fate still hurts when we stand with our aching arms empty.
Replies
You are good at journaling and getting it allllllll out. You find all avenues and how they connect. This helps w/the healing process. It\'s hard to understand a death like that, when one hasn\'t been through it. It even makes it more challenging for you, when there were other things/events attached to the situation...like the looks and stares from others. You have sooooo much to overcome. You are making progress, little by little and you probably don\'t realize it. You will have bad days that make you so sad and angry, and then you won\'t realize it, but you won\'t be sad and angry as intense or as often. Time heals most wounds, but maybe not the whole wound. Levi\'s clothes are a treasure and a great memory. Maybe some day you can make them into a quilt for yourself or a wall hanging out of a couple of them. have something written about Levi or a message to him by what you have mounted and frame it. Like, take a cute outfit, place it on a rectangle piece of fabric and do a zig zag stitch around the garmet. THEN, in the top right corner write a kind sediment of sorts. THEN, fram it to hang. Just a thought...maybe not in the near future, but maybe you\'ll consider something like this or similar in the future. Just a thought for you. Love ya whole bunches and levi is looking down from Heaven, loving you whole bunches, too! :-) Love ya, honey! XXXX
I\'m glad you\'re able to journal and get your feelings out. It\'s very important that you express your feelings, or they will eat you up. Many people don\'t think before speaking, and this is not an excuse, but an observation. Part of your healing process is to feel angry at what people say or do. It\'s okay. When you\'re ready to accept Levi\'s death is when it will happen, there is no time table to follow. Grief is a process that follows it\'s own time, and there\'s no changing this. When your new baby arrives, it will be a different experience because this is a different child. you will never stop loving Levi and never should, but the love you feel for the new baby now and when it arives will be different, and only for this child. You treasure Levi\'s clothes because they are a part of Levi\'s life, and you should cherish them. Try not to worry about what others say, just konw that Levi is with you always in your heart, and he knows how you feel. My prayers are always with you, and your family.
i lost my son in 2003 and when i gave birth to his brother i didn\'t use none of his clothes i felt like they were his and till this day i feel that way.just a week ago i came across a pair of baby shoes he use to wear i just stated crying .the outfit my son passed away in my husband has it put up .i think i still have to accept he\'s gone and he wont be coming back the only reason i haven\'t put a picture up on this site is because it hurts to much to see his face like that. i know one day i will be able to get his pictures up without crying but right now i can\'t .follow your heart don\'t let any one trying tell you nothing about using your son\'s clothes for the next baby you do what you feel best only you and god knows your heart and what\'s best for you. well god bless you and have a great day.......jodymae