Today has been a better day, my stress level is down a smidgen and my husband and I seem to be having more and more nicer days. Right after we had the twins, we really started to lose interest in eachother and then the distance grew even more once we lost Levi. I can't blame my husband because I have changed alot and i am a major contributor to everything. But, us women are also better at talking and often realizing the problems. It seems that husbands don't like to stir things up any more than they are. Anyway, I miss my baby so very much. His twin sister reminds me of him often, in her expressions and laugh. I still touch her belly while she sleeps to make sure that she's still breathing, I guess I'll always be worried now.
my pregnancy seems to be going great, I'm just fat again and I hate it. Some people don't even recognize me! I'm like, hello, i can't be that fat everywhere! Oh well, so what! I'll just have to diet and work out when this jumbo shrimp makes his exit from my body. i really think he'll be 9 lbs. Aw, I'm so big!
I hope that he resembles his brother Levi, I'm so not trying to replace my baby, that's totally not possible, but, i want to see him live on in a way i guess.
I keep Levi's clothes in plastic containers and in my cedar chest. His blankies are in my cedar chest too. The bedding that he layed on when he passed away are still in a plastic bag in their closet, I can't touch it. And, his side of the dresser still has his clothes in it. I can't seem to touch those either. Just opening the drawers makes me feel weak and breathless. But, i'll have to empty them soon. I'll keep the clothes as i have the others, I just wish that I could keep his drawers filled with his clothes.
The dresser is a good dresser so I can't not use it. i think that I'll put lacey's, levi's twin, clothes in his side once I move them. i just can't put the new babies stuff in them. Is that absurd? I just feel like Lacey was a part of levi in a way that noone else can be and that makes the difference. She'll have to share their room with our new little guy and the dresser is there to be used.
So many changes that may seem small to others but are paramount to me. Levi was my sunshine. He still is.
I sang that You Are My Sunshine song to Levi while he was in the NICU when he was born with the pnemonia. I'm not sure that I can ever sing it again, out loud, but I still hear it in my heart when I think of him and our special love. Some people can leave such deep imprints in one's soul, Levi left his imprints in mine when we met. He came from me and was a part of me.
This new baby is scary but i'm begining to really anticipate his arrival. I hope that he has a gentle temperment, my other two wonderful children are very independant and strong willed. Levi was shy but definately aware of his likes and dislikes. I loved that about him.
my oldest son is funny and entertaining and loving, but he is independant and very oppinionated. lacey is quite sure of herself in every way and has a strong temperment. I'm so glad that my kids are who they are. I'm excited to see who this little monkey will be.
my pregnancy seems to be going great, I'm just fat again and I hate it. Some people don't even recognize me! I'm like, hello, i can't be that fat everywhere! Oh well, so what! I'll just have to diet and work out when this jumbo shrimp makes his exit from my body. i really think he'll be 9 lbs. Aw, I'm so big!
I hope that he resembles his brother Levi, I'm so not trying to replace my baby, that's totally not possible, but, i want to see him live on in a way i guess.
I keep Levi's clothes in plastic containers and in my cedar chest. His blankies are in my cedar chest too. The bedding that he layed on when he passed away are still in a plastic bag in their closet, I can't touch it. And, his side of the dresser still has his clothes in it. I can't seem to touch those either. Just opening the drawers makes me feel weak and breathless. But, i'll have to empty them soon. I'll keep the clothes as i have the others, I just wish that I could keep his drawers filled with his clothes.
The dresser is a good dresser so I can't not use it. i think that I'll put lacey's, levi's twin, clothes in his side once I move them. i just can't put the new babies stuff in them. Is that absurd? I just feel like Lacey was a part of levi in a way that noone else can be and that makes the difference. She'll have to share their room with our new little guy and the dresser is there to be used.
So many changes that may seem small to others but are paramount to me. Levi was my sunshine. He still is.
I sang that You Are My Sunshine song to Levi while he was in the NICU when he was born with the pnemonia. I'm not sure that I can ever sing it again, out loud, but I still hear it in my heart when I think of him and our special love. Some people can leave such deep imprints in one's soul, Levi left his imprints in mine when we met. He came from me and was a part of me.
This new baby is scary but i'm begining to really anticipate his arrival. I hope that he has a gentle temperment, my other two wonderful children are very independant and strong willed. Levi was shy but definately aware of his likes and dislikes. I loved that about him.
my oldest son is funny and entertaining and loving, but he is independant and very oppinionated. lacey is quite sure of herself in every way and has a strong temperment. I'm so glad that my kids are who they are. I'm excited to see who this little monkey will be.
Replies
you are a very strong person, my amanda was almost 3 months old. she was gettin so big, she was starting to laugh at the things you would do and say to her. i got pregant about 6 months after her death, with my little man hayden which is 3 now. i was scared to death to take him home, scared that this would happen again, i didnt sleep much at all, i would get up feel his belly, to make sure he was still alive, the doctors sent us home with a machine that went off with a loud noise, if he would go 20 secs without taking a breath. it took some of the stress away, but i was still scared. i oldest daughter dont care who you are the first thing she will tell you that she had a baby sister that went to heaven and she is an angel, she talks about her all the time. she would act like her mommy, it was so sweet.