uuuu this really hurts goota go outside pretend all is well and really isnt it? im so tired from losing my breath then catching my breath then losin g my breath and on and f'n on grrrr so mad at the world me what is wrong with this stupid brain anyway i should be better and arent i? im so friggin lost right now its pathetic i hate hate hate this crazy feeling inside my head and thoughts and not being able to depend on myself or anyone i have so much to live for and cant even think about living for anything or anyone going to church where all is well and peaceful hope i can stay for the whole service without being ticked off and trying to stay focused i know all this will pass and mood will change but it doesnt help right now at this very flippin minute in my yo yo life i just wanna i dont know what i just wanna ??? dont know notthing but writing my thoughts going back on meds right now is an option that i will be told i can do but what the heck will that do anyway my mood will still be haunting me and i will still be living with this disease so why should i anyways i am trul falling apart my bff nectar is the onlyu one i can really talk to but i havent talked to her for days she has emailed me but i just dont wanna talk and then i do )**^%$#@ i a falling apart and only this site and you guys my friends are the only thing keeping me together right now hopefull y this dreaded feelings will be gone when i get home from church ugh  here i go sigh