O for goodness sake.  What is the point of all this anyway?  I am so miserable but can't seem to get the whole "misery" feeling out, not even a bit.  Makes me so mad.  I wouldn't have a problem just tossing all my meds over the balcony, but I can't take the chance of being sick again, this really sucks!!!   I am sick of being sick and always feeling blahhhh.  I am on so many meds I can't even tell which one is the culprit anymore and I feel very blahhhh and soon it needs to end or else......!!!   I long to be alone by myself forever but I can't, before I was so drugged up I used to be a social butterfly, I'd forgotten about that since people  have been dragging me out of my comfort zone.  I could stay at home forever, just me and me.  I wish I didn't have so much thinking going on in my mind, it makes me swirl.  Hopefully I will come to my senses and just get over it, ha......we'll see.