Well I am back in the land of the living again. I haven't been that sick for years. My visit was wonderful and my grandbabies are just so cute and entertaining. I haven't watched tv for over thirteen years now and I have people say...what do you do if you don't watch tv? Ha! I watch my grandbabies, I do, all day, I love them and find them entertaining. When we all get bored we bring out the crafts. My first week there I was fine, but the second week was a nightmare dealing with flu and then a cold! But I lived through it and am happy to be back home again. I am feeling very stable now a days and it is driving me crazy! Being stable is like a picture that isn't painted, there is no beauty in it yet. I can't believe I am not pleased with this being stable buissiness but I'm just not. I find my mind wondering back to last year when I tried to take my life, thank God a good friend of mine helped to stop me! I am miserable with myself and finding it hard to live with me. Unless my racing mind is totally occupied I think of notthing else but ending it all. I won't, but the thoughts flood me daily. I am screaming inside for some change to happen but day after day goes by..ahhhhh!!! Anyway I am happy to be back on DS and being able to communicate to all of you. oxoxxo Here I am again Going through the motions of something deep within me Smelling the auroma of agony Feeling the filth of despair And touching the depths of the deep dark dungeonThere is no help for me once it gets its dirty grip on my soul and fills my thoughts with death Maybe this time I will win a round But what is there to win in this life? I can't think about it anymore I am overwhelmed with pity
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my sister always rmember your never alone love brother Rick
I tried to kill myself when I was 15. On and off since then, I have struggled to not try it again. I know the darkness you visit, but it is not the way. It\'s a trick. Use every and all resources to fight it. Things CAN change and THEY WILL!
Pulpit, you are in so much pain and I feel you. I really do feel you!!! I too don\'t watch TV. My family thinks I\'m crazy, I remind them that there are better ways of manageing your time. Me...I read and read and read. You can occupy your time here, on DS. I have found that it\'s benificial to me, because so many others feel like I do.
I tried to take my life in the beginning of the year. I was going to drive off the Belle Isle Bridge in downtown Detroit with my car. I can\'t swim and thought it poinant. The thought of my daughter popped into my head though. She had ask me to wash her jeans for school in the AM and I had forgotten. I didn\'t want to disappoint her, so I went home, remained dead inside and prayed. It helped alot, the prayer.
Sunday, yesterday, was a very down day for me. I cried ALL day and took 4 Klonopin to calm my inner beast down. Ken drew a bath for me, I felt a little better, but the pain comes and goes for me too. Please don\'t feel alone. I\'m right here my new friend. Prayers to you. Barb-Detroit
PS I love the poem at the end. I will write it down and put it on my fridge. Are you the Author? Barb-Detroit