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Well, here I am back home after a morning of fellowship and lunch.  The more I hang out with people the more I don't want to.  People really bug me right now, wonder why?  I don't seem to have the desire to hang out with my friends at all..blahh!      I have to go out again in 2 hours to a dinner at the church...blahhh!    I felt good when I woke up this morning  but as the day goes on I am feeling lower and lower and lower in my mood.  I don't like where this is going.  Why can't I just stay away from the basement????   Life doesn't have any purpose for me right now, I see notthing past this moment...blaaahh!   Please tell me how to get out of this space I'm in!  I feel so lost and alone.  It takes all I have in me to stay away from tragedy, sometimes I wonder if it is worth the fight?  I am really tired and worn out.  Life is taking it's toll on me again today.  I am sick of writing about how I feel, I feel like I am being negative, and I feel like I've been repeating myself, seems like I go through this storm lots.  Please forgive me for being such a burden to you.  I don't feel like I have anywhere to turn, or anywhere I want to turn, I come here to DS but I feel like a burden....blahhh!   I don't know what to do or where to turn.   For now I will play the role life has dished out for me.  How much longer will I be able to pretend??    Thanks for caring and loving me.  I love you too   Ramona xoxoxoxoxoxoox  *sigh*