This is it. I am totally worn out now! Wayyyyy too many late nights and early mornings. I just got home from work and getting ready to head out the door. I surprised myself today when out of the blue I had a great big meltdown. Had to call my boss and ask her to come home early so I could get some sleep. I haven't had any meltdowns for the last couple of days so today I made up for it. I've managed to inch my way up the stairs a bit, from the deep dark dungeon of despair and hopelesness, and today when I lost control I almost got dragged back down to the basement...aaahhhhh! I'm trying to keep control right now while I'm writing this but I feel my grip loosening...making me mad!!! I have to get some sleep before I start pick ups for church, but I don't want to go out and be around anyone, I just want to be here in my apt, alone and safe. I am still not good at being around a bunch of people right now, I don't feel comfortable and I worry I will spew some deep emotion out on them, it doesn't take much to spark a fire of rage in me now a days. So I need to make a decision, and I'm not good at that any more either...gggrrr! I WANT MY LIFE BACK! What else can I say?! I want to be around my friends, and go to church, and teach bible studys and work and and and.....but all the desire in me is gone and I can't find it. I am getting myself all worked up so I better get off here before I babble too much. Love you's all and thanks. Ramona oxxoox
Replies
Hope it helped to write about it and I am praying the Lamictal works for you. :)
Oh Ramona I feel for you, you seem to be battling on like a trooper with her boots falling off. Big hug for you pet. You deserve a medal x Hang in there Lamictal did wonders for me.
Ramona, it is so important to get adequate sleep. Maybe you can reduce your schedule some so you can be in bed at a decent time and get your well needed sleep. Dont worry too much about the feeling of not wanting to be around people. It will change. It has for me. I felt this way for a long time and I have come out of it. It took almost a year and I had to slowly include myself once again. There are still some times I am uncomfortable so I pick and choose carefully. I only feel \"safe\" around certain people in the church and among my friends but have managed to be around others for short periods. Breath deep and slow and be patient. I will be praying for you. Luv and hugs