I haven't written anything since Sunday night so I just wanted to write a few things before I forget them.    I was checking my journal today,  I keep a journal for my pdoc,  and did some research.   Last March I CRASHED and started back on meds again.   In Nov my pdoc finally found a mood stabilizer to stop the rapid cycling.    In Dec. I CRASHED lower then I was at the time but added to this crash was suicidal thoughts,  this was the worst time that I ever had yet!   During the rest of the last year I have been very depressed except for one week where it seems I felt great.    You know what...I don't want to spend another year like this!     I don't want to waste any more precious time!     God has blessed me with all of my friends here that I have met,  I appreciate your words of knowledge and encouragement and I depend on you all so very much,  I couldn't have made it this far without you all!     God has also blessed me with a wise  and experienced friend here on DS whom I met during my Dec crisis.    This friend has given me many words of wisdom and encouragement during my very darkest moments.   I am sitting here determined to make up my mind and put to action the advice this precious friend has given.    I know I can make it through this mud,   all I gotta do is start somewhere.   So that's what I did today.   I went the whole day without any disturbances in my mood.    Now I will have the big challenge of the day as I meet with people tonight that have triggered me in the past.    But I am going to chose to be positive and make my goal of getting through one day!   One day at a time.   And one mood at a time too!     Thanks for all your help everyone, I hope I can be as much help to you all as you's have been to me!    Thanks my special friend for putting a space in your life where I can come and interfere in at my leisure.....You are an angel.          Ramona   xoxoxoxoxoxoox