It has been a long day out in the world of normies.    I lasted the whole day...phew!  Everything I've accomplished today and the wonderful feeling of the Lord's presence during worship almost had me convinced that their is hope.  But everytime I felt hope in the back of my bp mind I was harbouring doubt, like how long will it last this time?  On more then one occasion I felt like I was enjoying myself, and that gave me hope, but then I wanted to cry or scream out and the feeling was short lived.   I just want to pack in all these meds I'm doing.  The last time I went off my meds I had a wonderful 15 months and felt great!  OOOHHHHH how tempting it is to just do it, but everytime I think of it all I can see is the face of my pdoc.  So I am thinking about just giving in to this depression and getting on with life....I wish I knew how to!   xxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox