It has been a long day out in the world of normies. I lasted the whole day...phew! Everything I've accomplished today and the wonderful feeling of the Lord's presence during worship almost had me convinced that their is hope. But everytime I felt hope in the back of my bp mind I was harbouring doubt, like how long will it last this time? On more then one occasion I felt like I was enjoying myself, and that gave me hope, but then I wanted to cry or scream out and the feeling was short lived. I just want to pack in all these meds I'm doing. The last time I went off my meds I had a wonderful 15 months and felt great! OOOHHHHH how tempting it is to just do it, but everytime I think of it all I can see is the face of my pdoc. So I am thinking about just giving in to this depression and getting on with life....I wish I knew how to! xxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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Ramona...PLEASE dont give in to depression. As you know, it is so powerful and sometimes deadly the way it twists our thinking. I am not on meds now and feeling pretty good and in CLOSE contact with my support team. I was on meds for over 20 years but nothing worked and I suffered some horrible side effects. Please keep talking to your mental health professionals. And I will keep praying for you.
Don\'t feel like it\'s your fault that you can\'t sustain that \"happy\" feeling. I have to tell myself that too - it\'s not my fault and God knows I\'m trying!!! We WILL feel better whether or not we can believe it right now. Love ya.
Sounds like you had a great 15 months...but it probably is a better idea to stay on the meds. Good thing you made it through the day.
Maybe try not to think of how good it is...if you do that...you\'ll find that you enjoy more. It sounds strange but...if you just let it run its course...you\'ll end up happier. Cause then you won\'t be concerned about when it\'s going to end. *hugs* Sorry if it doesn\'t make sense...it does to me....*hangs head*
I often feel like taking my meds and doing the same thing you do. You know what stops me is my family. They love us and depend on us. I t hard very hard but we are here to give strengh to eachother and Ramona you can get through this. One day at a time. You can, xoxoxox Wendy