I'm not sure if I should have put that yellow face on or not...lol Today is day 10 of my increase of Lithium. Today I will get blood work done. I have felt unusually sad this week. I need some life in me or I am going to scream.....! Where has all my umph gone anyway? I think if I smiled I might crack my face. Starting on Friday eveg. until Sat eveg. I will be gone away, it is our church's leadership yearly planning session, kinda like a 2 day buissiness meeting. I find this amusing because right now and the last couple of months, I have been in la la land. I have no idea how I will make it through. I have no desires right now...I mean none! I handed in what I would like to do through out this year, at the meeting we will be putting dates on things...lol. I really need to change my "oh well, whatever" attitude, I am concerned that I will get myself in trouble with this kind of thinking but I just can't get over it, any suggestions?! I know the Lord will be there and it is all about Him, I am sure He will guide my decisions as S.S. Superintendent. I love my job and I love children, I just need help staying focused. I have lost my short term memory, I will probably do fine on the later in the year stuff like Christmas pagent. I usually have a goal or more, but friends, this last 11 months has wiped any long term goals, or even short term goals out of my reach. This is the longest I have stayed on my meds, and quite frankly, I would just like to STOP...just long enough for a little ride of manic in my life...then go back to taking them again. I am wondering if my life will ever be the same again. Will I ever feel high again? Will I ever feel truly happy again? Will I ever stop being so emotional again? Will my hair grow back again...I haven't cut my hair for 12 years? Will my pdoc ever find the right med or meds that will work for me and not make me feel like this? ?????????????????? I can almost talk myself into not taking my next dose...but not quite. That's all for tonight. Thanks friends. Love Ramona xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox
Replies
Honey, I know its hard, I have been there many times. It is a constant work in progress to get the meds right, then once you do, they need changing again in a year or less. Be patient and take care of you. Moving forward on step at a time. Luv ya and pray for you daily. Hugs
Keep talking to your pdoc about how you feel. You might need more sun. I live in Oregon and there hasn\'t been much sun lately. That was one of the reasons for my breakdown.
Gosh Ramona...I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I did not do well on Lithium and I regret staying on meds that did not help me. Lithium made me a zombie. Had the worst depression of my life on it. Definitely tell your Pdoc about how you are.