Well.......I am through the other end today...!!!!!    I have no more suicidal thoughts and that was #1 goal.  I am still dealing with confrontational behavior but I did go out to service last night for the first time all week and I actually lived through it.  I have been so blessed with such an outstanding church family.  I didn't confront ANY of the stupid "normal" people questions at all!  I was talking with one of my friends and they told me they didn't know what to say....so better to not say anything at all.....very good choice!   I was concerned about dealing with the answer to these type of questions because of my anger and racing negative thoughts.   Sooooo instead of adding fuel to my fire I got to give out many many missed hugssss!   Funny thing that at moments I can be feeling bubbly and make people laugh with me being such a brat but then at other moments I spit out words of evilness or something?!   I need to become more aware of the triggers of this disease so I can learn to control my emotions at these times.   I would like to be able to continue my life while I'm going through bad times as well as good times.  Maybe like Shelly says at these times it may be best to stay home, it sure was best this last week, thanks Shelly and thanks for not giving up on me!    I feel like a cloud has lifted from my view but my view is still blurry?  I feel very delicate right now too?  Like I've been through some big surgery or something and my body needs healing?  I find myself crying throughout the day for no reason just comes over me like a wave?   Doesn't last long.  I need to write in my journal for my pdoc now so I'd better do that before I forget what happened...lol   I talk with him on monday.  aahhhh!!!!   I will keep you all updated.  I don't know if he is going to have me start another med or not?  After what happened this week he may be very catious?  If he does start me on a new med I am going to let you all know for I can be ahead of the game if something goes wrong again.  Talk soon.  Lots of Love Ramona   xooxxoxooxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox