It has been a long time since I've written in my journal. I just don't have the want 2's to do anything constructive...geezzzz....that doesn't sound good does it! I have started my new year out with a BANG.....downward!!!! I know the Lord would want me to write otherwise but the truth is friends I am in "bp land" somewhere and can't find my way out! The only reason I am writing today is becasue a very special caring wonderful friend inspired me. THANKS FRIEND! God knows just when to send that special friend into your DS hug box doesn't he! Last year was a very trying year for me with going back on meds again after not being on any for over a year. We have tried many different cocktails and the last round we even tried Lithium on it's own.....but it didn't pass the test and now we have added an anti psychotic Risperadone to the Lithium. Some of my bp issues are under control, I stopped rapid cycling a few months ago, yaaahhooooo!!!!! But I have picked up some anger issues over the last couple of months, have no patients with except with a very few people outside of you guys, people seem to annoy me quickly, I think I am too focused on myself and they interupt maybe? I'm not too sure if my meds are making me feel this way or because everything is so magnified now with all this new knowledge about this disease? Maybe a little of both? All I know is I have no idea how I will make it through another year of trial and error. If I was brave or stupid enought to do it I would just go get all my meds and swallow them all and fade away from reality....but that won't happen I don't think because I know the Lord not want me to do this and I am too stupid to even know how to overdose on pills and would probably end up living in a phys ward or something! I want to thank all those of you who have uplifted me through the last year and kept me on the straight and narrow....Thanks Shelly! My angle of hope! I am so sorry for being so negative. It is a new year and we need to stary focused and positive. Please forgive me if I have brought your spirit down. I am going now. I will see you's on the boards and around. Thanks for being my friend....unconditionally! Love Ramona xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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I did take over 200 pills that were dissolved in water and had my stomach pumped for over 2 hours and having your stomach pumped is horrific, I don\'t suggest it! That was 6 years ago, today I am doing great. I took those pills when I was on Lithium I really think they should make Lithium illegal. It nearly killed me or at least made me wish I were dead. Hang in there, and talk to PDoc about possibly changing to Lamictal it has a higher success rate.
I understand your frustration ( with trial and error) with meds. I tried a dozen ssri\'s that did nothing to relieve a 4 year depression, after a psychotic manic episode.Finally in August of last year I was put on an maoi that did the trick.As frustrating as it is, once the right cocktail is found things become more manageable. Hang in there Ramona!