Well........that didn't even last 24hrs!!!       Oh boy.  On top of feeling totally opposite from yesterday I have this awful cold happening.  I slept in till 3pm today and want to go back to bed.   I know I say this every time I fall backwards but I CAN'T DO THIS BIPOLAR GAME MUCH LONGER!   I am feeling that those closest to me are annoyed and that brings feeling of rejection out in me,  I came home last night and just wanted to QUIT....stop the train and LET ME OFF!!!   I HATE feeling so depressed and I am VERY disappointed in myself that I can't stay "normal!."    Do I choose to fall backwards?  What joy would I get from that?  uhhhh!!!!   Why can I feel so positive and "normal" one day and then feel so negative and Bipolar the next??????   This disease has me spinning out of control emotionally.   I don't get it!!!    I have read about Bipolar and I have kept a journal since March about how I am feeling and a chart from 1 to 10 so I can see how I am doing over the months, and guess what???       I AM A YO-YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     I can't go longer than a couple of weeks.....sometimes hours.    I keep thinking...yes....the Lithium is working.....than.....CRASH!   Now once again here I sit writing down my deepest thoughts.   I hope this disease dosen't send me too far over the edge.  My friends tell me they too have the same thoughts as I do,  the same feelings,  and it is just a part of life at our age!   DUH.....I know all that stuff thank you very much...the yo-yoing feelings I have with Bipolar are much different than those with the age thing.   There is alot of things going on with me that I am very aware of because I have a few health issues but this deep dark hopless pit of depression is very obvious to me when I fall into it,  I feel depressed from daily living things and things that go on around me but this Bipolar beast is not the same that I feel at other times...I know when it has me in the grips of it's teeth.....and right now that is where I am!   Hope I haven't sounded too positive for you's....wouldn't want to wreck my image....lol     That's all for now I gotta get going to pick people up for church.    Love you's all lots.   Thanks for listening.   Ramona xoxoxoxoxoxo