Today was a very very very weird day. I have been at home all day and where ever I look around things do not seem in place, something feels wrong?! I have lived here for over 2yrs now so I am very used to my apt.....today feels and looks strange to me? I kinda feel like I am trapped inside my body and everything around me is on the outside. I'm not feeling "dead" like I did from a couple of meds I tried in the past....but I feel strange, it feels like I am seeing the world through different eyes or something? Maybe it is the effects from my new med Lithium? My brain did stop spinning a couple of weeks ago so I may just be adjusting to a new feeling......like "normal" lol I really wouldn't know that feeling because I have always been way off the straight and narrow of down or up......so maybe this is a good thing. After all these months of trying to get my Bipolar leveled out I can't even imagine what a good thing feels like...lol I am feeling very antsy today because I see my bdoc tommorow. I HATE not knowing his next step......drives me crazy...which isn't hard to do. lol I don't feel like talking to him about how I'm feeling because I don't want to change anything and I don't want to stay the same??!!! Now do you see why I don't want to go to my aptt. I just want to tell him how much I miss the "hight" of my Bipolar...but that is not what is good for me and I know that but I am so tired of being "low" I feel like just stopping my meds and going wild. I wouldn't do that of course...at least I don't think I would 
....but that is how I'm feeling. If I knew for sure that I would feel higher I would stop my meds today...but what if I feel lower....I couldn't imagine that so I won't go there. I have church tonight so I am thankful I will be around my church family and friends. It will keep me busy and my mind off my thoughts. I will be checking in when I get home so maybe I will be able to talk to someone then. Thanks for listening. Take care. Love and Prayers Ramona xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Replies
Ramona, I know how you feel. For years I felt that way. Like I was in someone elses body or seeing things in a different way. I know you are afraid to tell you pdoc, but you have to honey. I am always terrified my doc will change my meds. Even if the ones I am taking arent working, cuz I hate change and the risk the new ones will be worse. We are just a work in progress and we cant be our best if we dont fully communicate with our therapist and pdoc. He may realize it is a normal thing and have you continue. You know the danger of going high to manic or hypo manic, we almost always crash or go low. I know how you feel about loving the high, I do to. It is the end result I always fear. I hate the depression because it is debilitating. I am glad you are going to church tonight, that is always strengthening. Pray about your well being and what God would have you do tomorrow. You know in your heart what is right, I can hear it in your post. Your fears are logical and part of the disorder. We just have to strive to learn as much as we can about ourselves and try to be the best we can be. That means moving forward in a positive direction. You are in my heart Ramona and I know you will do what is right for you. I will pray for you tonight. Hugs, Shelly