Well, that was the longest day of my life yesterday. Oh.....how I wish that I could take meds and have no side effects. I called my bpdoc yesterday afternoon and told him I wanted to stop my meds.......he asked me to cut down the dosage but don't stop taking them all at once, I report in every week to my doc to check in and let him know how I'm doing and feeling but yesterday I just fell apart and couldn't imagine waiting...but....by the time I got off the phone I agreed to not stop and just cut down and call him on monday.....I thank God that I am so obedient!.....What I really wanted to do was quit everything! I think my doc is upset cause I wanted to stop right away. I have always put up a fight when it comes to taking meds and I think he was hoping I had changed my mind over the past year...and so did I but...apparently not...cause I just want to stop! This happens to me every time I try a new med.....I think this is the longest I've stayed on meds in the past 10yrs. I can't handle the side effects and the yo-yo mood swings. Anyway I was very happy that I didn't have to take my supper time meds, but a couple of hours later I took a long walk and had a long talk with myself and decided that if I cut down my dosage than on monday check in then what?......A new med will have to be introduced and side effects and mood swings could be worse! I don't want to go through that again so I decided to just stay on the dosage I have been doing this week and try to get over the awful side effects and put up with the mood swings and check in on monday. It has only been 3 wks and because I have been so sick my dosage has stayed where it is for the last 2wks. I really need to give this med a chance to work for me before I give up on it. Am I convincing myself yet?....yes! Thank God for conviction. And really....I am very blessed to have the doc I do have, I trust him totally with my brain, I trust him as much as I trust my Pastor with my spiritual walk, I need to focus more on not being negative....ha! ha!....how do you do that with Bipolar?! So we will see how this weekend goes......I think I can survive. If not I have a emergency plan with my bpdoc......mind you I also have this site to come too now too.....yahoo!!!! Coming here and writing and talking and hugging people is great therapy. It helps me to keep my emotions under control and I feel much better when I leave then I did before I came. This is a good time to say a BIG THANKS to all my friends and fellow bp's for all your support and encouragement and advice. My sleeping pattern seems to have changed over the past few days. I sleep during the day and up all morning. At first I fought it but now I just go with the flow. Talk later. Love and Prayers Ramona xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox Well, that was the longest day of my life yesterday. Oh.....how I wish that I could take meds and have no side effects. I called my bpdoc yesterday afternoon and told him I wanted to stop my meds.......he asked me to cut down the dosage but don't stop taking them all at once, I report in every week to my doc to check in and let him know how I'm doing and feeling but yesterday I just fell apart and couldn't imagine waiting...but....by the time I got off the phone I agreed to not stop and just cut down and call him on monday.....I thank God that I am so obedient!.....What I really wanted to do was quit everything! I think my doc is upset cause I wanted to stop right away. I have always put up a fight when it comes to taking meds and I think he was hoping I had changed my mind over the past year...and so did I but...apparently not...cause I just want to stop! This happens to me every time I try a new med.....I think this is the longest I've stayed on meds in the past 10yrs. I can't handle the side effects and the yo-yo mood swings. Anyway I was very happy that I didn't have to take my supper time meds, but a couple of hours later I took a long walk and had a long talk with myself and decided that if I cut down my dosage than on monday check in then what?......A new med will have to be introduced and side effects and mood swings could be worse! I don't want to go through that again so I decided to just stay on the dosage I have been doing this week and try to get over the awful side effects and put up with the mood swings and check in on monday. It has only been 3 wks and because I have been so sick my dosage has stayed where it is for the last 2wks. I really need to give this med a chance to work for me before I give up on it. Am I convincing myself yet?....yes! Thank God for conviction. And really....I am very blessed to have the doc I do have, I trust him totally with my brain, I trust him as much as I trust my Pastor with my spiritual walk, I need to focus more on not being negative....ha! ha!....how do you do that with Bipolar?! So we will see how this weekend goes......I think I can survive. If not I have a emergency plan with my bpdoc......mind you I also have this site to come too now too.....yahoo!!!! Coming here and writing and talking and hugging people is great therapy. It helps me to keep my emotions under control and I feel much better when I leave then I did before I came. This is a good time to say a BIG THANKS to all my friends and fellow bp's for all your support and encouragement and advice. My sleeping pattern seems to have changed over the past few days. I sleep during the day and up all morning. At first I fought it but now I just go with the flow. Talk later. Love and Prayers Ramona xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox
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The first few weeks are the hardest hang in there honey...
Thanks friend. Your words of encouragement mean alot to me. I am grateful for you and your compassion. Thanks again. Love and Prayers Ramona xoxooxoxox
Ohhhhh Ramona, I know so well how you feel. I freak out totally when my doc says, lets try something else, this doesnt seem to be doing what it needs to. Even when the current meds arent working, it is like I am holding on taking them and scared to death what a new one will do. I know the meds I am taking now arent perfect for me cuz I am still cycling but the cycles dont seem to be so severe. I am a rapid cycler so I can go up and down many times in a day. Either full of energy or dragging my butt with no desire to do anything but sit around and stare at the tv or this computer screen. My thoughts can either be sky high or in a dark place with lots of crying. BUT......we will persevere, we will be strong, we will survive, we will move forward and we will make every moment one of experience and learning. We will take our challenges and let them make us stronger. I wish you would give the Lithium more time. It seriously does take six or more weeks sometimes for them to level off and work. I have heard this med works well for many if they give it a chance and can treat both mania and depression. I took it in my teens and it didnt work for me then. What I am taking now seems to be keeping me from going too high or too low. I pray he doesnt change mine when I see him in a week, so I know the fear of it all. Ramona, you are such a wonderful, delightful friend. I pray hard that you find balance and happiness in your life and that these meds can work for you. Talk your way through it, you can do it, you are strong. We are women, hear us roar. LOL
((((HUGS)))) Shelly
Hi Ramona, Boy you are not alone for sure. I was always mildly manic, everyone including me just thought I was superwomen. In 1994 I crashed like a bomb. I had a breakdown and was in the hospital for 2 weeks. They never put me on a thing. For the next 10 years I was on the roller coaster from h---. I saw at least 5 pdocs, maybe more, I tried at least 12-15 different meds, whatever they gave me I tried out of desperation. All anti-depressants gave me anxiety and insomnia. They always would end up giving me some kind of tranquilizer. I went to my family dr and told him he had to help me, I couldn\'t take it any more. I had already seen all the pdocs that my insurance would cover. I ask him to send me to whoever he would go to if he needed a pdoc. It cost me a pretty penny but by then I could have cared less. He diagnosed me with bipolar. He put me on Lithium and Lamictal, probably the only 2 I had not tried. It took about 2 months but so far so good and that has been 2 years and 7 months, but whose counting. I have not had any side effects. Truthfully I am not sure what the sides are for Lithium, except you have to have a blood test ever other month, no problem. I know you can develop a rash from Lamictal at first and have to stop, but I never got that either. I just pray they continue to work. I get a little high and a little low, but just a little, definetly do-able. I wish for you to be able to get on even ground and find the right combo of meds, lord knows it can take awhile, but when you get there it will be more exilerating than mania. Sorry, had to add that. Take care. Naomi
Thanks for the encouragement. I am staying on my Lithium at least till next monday. My bpdoc was very happy to hear I decided to continue my dosage because he thinks this med will work for me in the long run. He is only prescribing a weeks supply at a time in case it doesn\'t work. I think the reason I get all these side effects from my meds is because I had Hep C for so many years and it has messed up my system. But I am going to stick it out with this med and see what happens...scary!!! But is is more scary thinking about what could have happened if I stopped taking them altogether! I am looking forward to the day that I feel stable again. It has been sooo long. I spent 15 mnths high and the last 9 mnths low...ahhhhh!!!!! 2 yrs can go by so fast when your Bipolar......seems like a day or two but there is longggggg gaps between sanity. At least I am feeling a tinge of hope since the other night. I get a bit antsy monday morning when I call to leave a message to check in with my bpdoc....this last monday I waited until late afternoon...ahhhhh!!!!! It is the not knowing what his next step is that makes me so anxious. I do trust him completely with the decisions he makes so I don\'t have any reason to have this fear except for the \"I don\'t want to take meds\" thing I have....too bad I couldn\'t just get a rid of this but I have always been like this from day one, I think being treated with the wrong meds for those first 10yrs and going on wild highs and lows keeps my anxiety levels crazy on monday mornings even though my bpdoc is treating me for Bipolar now...I am trying to relearn to trust this whole med thing. Anyway.....I want to once again thank you\'s for responding to my needs. I hope I can return the favour some day. It is kind of scary feeling so positive....it is almost like I expect a big CRASH to come or something! Take care of yourselves. Talk soon. Love and Prayers Ramona xoxoxoxoxoxoxo