I just noticed my last 2 enteries are the same day...how wierd!...I wrote this one in afternoon and the last one in early morning before I went to bed just in case your wondering why I am feeling 2 different ways at the same time...aaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!  It is late afternoon now and I am still trying to get out of bed!  I have company coming and things to do over the next few hours. I don't want to do anything today just go back to bed and hide in my covers.  I woke up today feeling blahhhh....have a headache since yesterday and still fighting side effects of my new meds.  My bpdoc stopped my anti-depressent yesterday to see how I will do just on the mood stabilizer Lithium,  apparently some Bipolar people do well just on the Lithium..................it has only been one day off the anti-depressent and I am already negative, sick and hopeless...AGAIN!!!  It seems like I can't go for more than a few weeks and CRASH!!!   I cannot function when I feel like this.  I know that things will get better but right now I can't even hardly write cause I am crying so hard.   Feeling hopeless is the worst feeling in the world, especially when you have God in your life,  I know all I have to do is reach out to Him but I just feel too messed up, that is so wierd because that is when I need to be reaching out to God......ahhhhhh!!!!!!......how frustrating.  The last couple of weeks I have felt so in control of my mind and now I feel so not in control of my mind.   The only good thing about today is that after I made myself get out of bed a few minutes ago and made a coffee with sour milk...yuk!...I made a couple of phone calls which I should of made this morning and then I thought...okay I am just going to sit here and cry it out but then I remembered HEY.....you have friends on line now that you can talk to about how your feeling..........what a wonderful feeling it was to be able to come to the BD site and let my feelings out to friends who understand,  my only other option before was to call my bpdoc and I certainly don't want to do that again he may think something is wrong..Ha! Ha!  Well....thanks for listening to me babble on, I am so thankful for you all here, I am feeling better already just knowing I am not alone and that others care.  Hopefully this "low" time will pass on quickly and I can get back to feeling "level" again.  If I am feeling like this in a couple of days from now I am going to be really upset....I just can't handle this "yo-yo"  part of my Bipolar anymore....seems like it happens too often lately,  I am praying the Lithium alone is going to work for me.....if it doesn't I am going to need lotssssss of help.  Gotta go get ready my grandkids and daughter are coming for a visit for 2 days....I miss them, hope they don't drive me any farther under than I am feeling already.  Okay......talk soon my friends.  Love and Prayers   Ramona  xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox