So after March ended on the 29th really for me. Things actually got crazier if you could imagine! and they are still revving up! I hate it and I want out of it. So because we had a snow day for oen of my masters classes i ended up having to make that up on two Fridays and it expedited the class a good bit. So over the last two weeks I was up till 12 or 1 am trying to finish projects and journals and all of that kind of shit. During the day I was trying to sneak in class observance b/c it is required by the course. I am not telling my boss about trying for the degree because I'm pretty sure he has had enough reasons for me to miss work! I sure as Hell have! So the Thursday before my last two classes (friday night and saturday day) my period and a major cold/sinus infection came down at the same time with fever and the whole shebang! What is great is that it was right before the last day of class so I had to push through no matter HOW I felt. I made it by the grace of GOD! So then Saturday was the end of the late nights and projects so an exhausted me crawls into bed. ONE of my jobs is to play the piano for a church here in Tennessee. So Sunday I got up even though I was too tired to mvoe and went to church and played the piano. We have been having revival this week so I played EVERY SINGLE night this week Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and tonight from 6-9 pm. I am so exhausted now that I'm just miserable. Monday I started myself on antibiotics b/c my chest was heavy and hurting every time I coughed and I didn't have time to sleep and usually these things turn into some kind of breathing thing like pneumonia, or bronchitus... Besides I was coughing up green phlegm. That can not be good! So when I got home tonight after "revival" I found that Rickie had cleaned the whole house. Which I should have been happy about, but then I found out that Rickie dried my delicates on the HOT cycle in the dryer. My crocheted sweater that is my favorite started to unravel and all of my braes were tangled into a mess with their hooks dug into another one of my favorite sweaters! I was LIVID! So I start reaming him out and because I'm so tired I of course turn right into character assassination and get all worked up (i have been like this all day.. getting worked up over little things!)... I got so mad I threw my ballet shoes at the wall which are the dang lightest damn shoes and soft and they still put a lovely hole in the wall. Fuck right! Then I was mad at myself... While I'm sitting there trying very hard to cry I smell my son (3 years old) had peed his diaper. I'm like what the Hell is he doing in diapers this early. Come to find out my hubby didn't want to deal with him using the bathroom so he put a diaper on him at 5 pm. What the fuck! I don't ... we don't have the money to buy tons of diapers... we can only wrap his butt at night!! Oh that brings me to another stressor!!!! We don't have any money. Because I work in sales and there is this damn recession I lost 600 from last years commissions. for those of you that don't understand commissions that means last year i made 700 in commissions for this time of year. This should be at least close to itself every april. Well this years April I made 117 dollars in commissions! It is horrible... That is a loss of 600 dollars... To add to this. Because Rickie's boss can't afford it all of his over time has been cutt taking 300 a month from our budget... oh and that takes me to another problem!!! Daycare! We found out soem very disturbing information about our daycare provider. She has been smoking around the children. Leaving the house and going out for groceries and errands while they are taking naps and hanging out with her friends. What keyed us into all of this is that one Wednesday two weeks ago in the thick of all the Shit I am going through she up and says hey me and a friedn are going to join in home daycares and move to her place. She expected me to drive 30 minutes out of my way to take my son to her "new" location. So I go and check the place out!!!! NO BACK YARD, WHAT LITTLE BACKYARD SHE HAS DROPS INTO A CLIFF OF 5 FEET... A TRAMPOLINE THAT IS SLANTING TO THE LEFT LEANING TOWARDS THE HILL, YOU HAVE TO WALK THROUGH HER DIRTY FILTHY GARAGE TO GET TO THE ROOM THAT IS MUSTY AND MISERABLE. THEY ARE GOING TO LET THE KIDS SLEEP ON THE FLOOR. IN ORDER TO GET TO THE BATHROOM YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH THE LAUNDRY ROOM ... ALSO FILTHY... AND THE BATHROOM HAD SOME KIND OF BLACK STUFF CRUSTED AROUND THE BASE OF THE TOILET. PUBIC HAIRS AT THE BACK OF THE SEAT AND SOME KIND OF FILM ON THE TUB!!!!!!! NOW I HAVEN'T FINISHED... WHEN WE DROVE UP SHE AND HER "FRIEND" WERE OUTSIDE NOW SMOKING TOGETHER! I'M LIKE OH FREAKING HELL NO! WE TOOK CALEB OUT IMMEDIATELY THE NEXT DAY EVEN THOUGH WE HAD NO WHERE TO PUT HIM.... So then we have to find someone FAST .... God blessed us in finding someone and now we have to pay more aech week!!!! I like the new lady and she is licensed and has all kinds of awards for her daycare. Three stars and all but it is killing us financially and it is a huge change for the baby! He is just havint a terrible time with the new change and missing Misty and her two sons that he became friends with. And of course Misty is not returning my calls or letting Caleb see her two boys which is making it that much harder on CALEB. What a bitch right! and last but not least! THIS IS NOT OVER... Here is the rest of the trouble till July! So tomorrow night right after work we have the annual HOME ownders association meeting... Friday night is a concet that I'm supposed to go ... planned on it for weeks. My parents come to visit for the first time in 18 months on Saturday night... Sunday church... Monday work withparents through Thursday. and friday I fly out to go visit my hubby's family in a foreign country 3rd world conditions and my last trip was straight from the pit of Hell so I have all kinds of stress around that! We are there for two weeks! Then the day after we return it is back to work full time and now SCHOOL has amped up and I am going thursday night friday night and saturday every weekend for six weeks. Middle of Ju8ne classes are done and I go to myf amily reunion (big huge event) in New Jersey.... then it is July and life returns to a bit of normal with classes off and a few months of hopefully reset. GOD help me until then! PEOPLE HELP ME... HOW AM I GOING TO GET HROUGH THIS.. HELP ME THINK OF SOME THINGS.. TECHNIQUES OR SOMETHIGN TO GET THROUGH ALL OF THIS... PLEASE COME AND HELP ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Replies
Okay Sweety, just breathe a minute and slow down. One problem at a time ok. First off I am very proud of you for pushing yourself and finishing your masters degree and I knew you could do it! I hope you are at least starting to feel better now. For your outburst at all of this it is just that your plate was too full. Give yourself a breather b/c you have earned it. The sweater incident to us is a major deal but at least Rickie tried just thank him for what he did. I get really set off sometimes to but we can catch ourselves and stop. Now for your finance problems you know who will take care of you! I will keep your family in my prayers for all of your issues at this time but try not to worry yourself to death. I know we are strapped budget wise at the moment as many people are but God will take care of us. For me and I am sure for you this is just hard to remember but he will. Just turn all your worries over to him,I know you will be alright. We are stronger than we feel, just look at your accomplishments. The daycare situation I fully understand but Caleb will bounce back, they are even better than we are at it just give him a little time, he will be ok. I am glad that you found a good replacement though and that is what counts. Hang in there with him everything will work out. As far as the rest of your schedule if you can\'t handle it all just back off of some of it. Don\'t push yourself into a breakdown, pay attention to your limits. I don\'t know how much help this is but I love ya bunches and I will keep you in my prayers.
I am so sorry that you are having to go through all this hell. About all can do for you is to pray for you and wish for you the best. I hope that things work out for you!!! Clarence.
First of all ,I have to say WOW...you did it all!
Even though you felt like it was breaking you...it didn\'t!
BUT,,like everybody else has said...somewhere in there you are going to HAVE to set boundries,on what you can and cannot do.
Do you HAVE to play the piano at church EVERY Sunday..or for the Revivals..go to your Pastor..exlain ,that you have to ease up on your schedual SOMEWHERE..and your church family,should be the first ones to understand.
Your son..well ,those little ones are resiliant,and he will settle into his new day care in no time.
Stressing over the old day care lady,and her not returning your calls..just turn away from that..you don\'t need to deal with someone elses anger or resentment.
I know you feel you have reached your limits..and maybe you have?
SO....take inventory of what is MOST IMPORTANT..and deal with those things..everything else is just STUFF...I think you are actually doing a great job..just pushing too hard,ease up a tad ,and you\'ll regain some control again
many hugs and prayers
dancingd
Dancingd said it more clearly and succinctly than I could\'ve. Keep your head up! You\'re in my thoughts.
OK, here\'s a tool I use when things are just crap-there are two sides to everything, a black and a white...just as you piled them all up as negatives, now do just the opposite...take your next journal and write out all the positives...one at a time. for example: your daycare is more expensive=negative. Flip it...the care your son is receiving is better and safer than before, you never know what could have happened to your baby while she was out running errands...what if he woke up from his nap, and started to look for her, and got out onto the street? So, there is a positive to EVERY negative. Just sit and write out what good has come from these things. I\'m not saying it will magically change everything, but you might at least see some balance, some good that has come of the events. It might lighten things a bit.
You can do this, and you\'ve proven that Tizzy, but taking inventory is a must.I would take it one day at at a time, it will seem less overwhelming that way.I\'d also invest in some extra vitamin C. It\'s no wonder you\'re getting run down. Talk to the pastor like dd suggested and try to cut corners wherever possible. And pray Tizzy, God promises to strengthen us in our weakness.I\'m sorry you have such a big plate Tizz, things will ease and you\'ll have a few months to rest.Take care of you. ~Love, hugs,and prayers~ xx