HAPPY VDAY! SADNESS!!  So last night it was definite that I am not pregnant.  I'm not depressed or upset just really numb.  Maybe a bit frustrated when I think about it. More sad for my hubby.  I feel like it's my fault in some way I know it isn't but I feel that way.  So today to sum up all the sadness I found out I'm not prego, I feel terrible because I'm not prego so I have the usual suspects taking me down, I'm exhausted from staying up all night because of all the thoughts racing through my head (*I found out at 11pm last night), I just have no emotional energy left at all!TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE!  Yesterday i took a sick day cause I wasn't feeling well (I had a migraine - usually a start to a mood change) Caleb came up at about 9 and told me his ear was hurting so I took him to the dr.  They couldn't see anythign there was so much wax in his ear so they had to wash it out with water which HE HATES! Poor thing everytime we take him to the doctor it is some kind of horrible experince~! Anyhow he is  so strong for  a 3 year old! It took 2 nurses and me laying my body on top of his to hold him down while they squirted water in his first ear.  A bit of wax came out and they could look in it.  They were certain that that ear had an ear infection and the crazy thing was that ear wasn't the one he was complaining about.  We turned him over held him down and with one squirt of water into his bad ear something that looked like a black plug and vomit came pouring out of his ear! It was the nastiest thing until... she squirted again and blood started to flow out of his ear.  It was horrifying!  I started to panic. I thought somethine had burst inside his ear.  To make it worse even still it was bleeding so badly the dr couldn't see anything. Both Caleb and I needed a break so we asked if we could go get some hot coco and come back when Caleb had calmed down.  So I took him to get coco at Starbucks and then over to his friends to play a bit while her mom and I got to sit down and I could vent a bit.  It was so scary.  When we had to go back to the dr I had to carry him out of his friend's door he really didn't want to go back.  I carried him in and they took us straight to a room where they left us just like dr's do.  Frustrating!  Anyhow I rocked him in my arms and sang him amazing grace, it is well with my soul, and twinkle twinkle little star and soon he was snoring sound asleep.  By the time the dr came in to look at him all she had to do was take a look while he slept.  It was a REALLY bad ear infection but nothing had burst.  So I  took him home put him down for a nap (this is now 4pm)  I'm not getting any rest even though I took the day off to care for me and my sick body! Poor thing he was just exhausted and went right to sleep.  I left Rickie *(hubby) asleep on the couch and then went to Walmart to fill the perscription.  it was disgusting stupid walmart was clobbered with boyfriends and husbands buying last minute crap (how not romantic !)  2 hours later I'm out with the perscription heading home completely and utterly exhausted emotionally and otherwise.  I come home and the hubby is now watching t.v. no dinner cooked nothing! jAnyhow when I walk into the door Caleb wakes up and I'm now taking care of him again.  I made dinner and took care of Caleb all evening.  Today we got up and I had to go to work and I'm so exhausted it is not even funny!  Anyhow add this too all that has happened in the last 7 days and I'm just grateful to God that I'm not in a big puddle of mush!