I have my Pdoc followup appointment to my med change.  I need to tell him about my joint pain.  I've been having it since I started the Seroquel.  I've also started a folder that documents the side effects and all the drugs I'm on.  I put in there info I found on the Nami site as well as here.  You know advice that I really need. Info about Fmla and ssdi (not sure of those initials.    Right now I'm on 300 mg of Lamictal and 100mg of Seroquel.  He wanted me to take Zoloft and as much Seroquel as I could handle plus 400 mg of Lamictal, but I don't think we will know what is working if I just take everything at once.  I wanted to just make a few changes and see how they hit (maybe I can avoid taking meds I don't need to take).  I was supposed to start at 25 mg of Zoloft for 1 week and then go to 50mg after that.  (NOT DOING THIS YET).  I feel ok... A little tired and woozy from the Seroquel.  But emotionally allright.  I'm still swinging up and up and up (slightly if not very manic) but the agitation, paranoia, visions, (still having vivid dreams and all that) panic attacks, anxiety have all abeited.  Which I wouldn't mind staying manic I just have to watch my spending and the "bad"things I do like smoking drinking and wanting to get back with my exboyfriend (stupid because I think he is gross now but there was something we had that attracks me still).  Now the story of the day is as follows.

 So just less than a month ago I got written up for saying the fword at work and making some lude comments.  This was because my boss sent me an email.  He had forgotten about an appointment I had informed him of 4 times.  I emailed him 3 times and he never responded and then went in and spoke with him and he granted me permission to get my eyes checked. Well Friday he sends me this email... and I copy and paste...

Hey Jennifer,I noticed that you were late yesterday.  That's unacceptable.  If it was an emergency - I need to see proof from Dr. either for you or your family member. We'll talk when I return.Ok well it reads a lot less mean and horrible now that I've got a clear head, but in the midst of medical issues this was the most insulting thing I could have received.  The first thing I was mad about was the fact that he did not remember my appointment even with 4 reminders.  The second thing that upset me was the fact that he didn't speak to me although I was here.  He basically came in for an hour and at the very end sent the email and left immediately after.  If he had spoken directly to me I wouldn't have had an outburst because I would have explained it to him immediately.  Thirdly I was mad because he was going on a 4 day vacation and left me worrying about this for the whole weekend (ruining mine!).  Well anyhow I said the Fword to a friend which my cube mate spread around very aptley in a matter of a few minutes (thank you im).  I also said to my friend " what will happen when I DO get pregnant.  I'll have to call my OBGYN and ask her to come and do my appointments on his desk so that he will know.  I'll just splay my legs open right freaking in front of him."  Yes I know not good not good at all.  Needless to say we have all been there at one point.  I felt bad right after and apologized in person to each coworker here to try and damage control.  (didn't work anyhow - high road is a no go not worth it next time). Today though (speaking of unprofessional behavior and cursing) my boss comes over (who I am certain is BP!!!!! His sister is and I've watched his moods swing just like mine.  He is irrational, irritable, inconsistent in his management skills.  I could go on but on with the story instead.) He sits down next to Jacob (my cube mate) and he is talking about Family Guy.  He thinks something funny happened on an episode or something and tells Jacob to get on google.com and find the Family Guy on youtube.com.  He plopped down in a chair put his feet up on Jacob's desk and literally made him look it up.  Jacob was telling him that he doesn't follow Family Guy and Dale was like oh my gooooosssshhh you will so love this.  I mean fully manic if it were me you know.  Anyhow he spends 30 minutes watching Stewy, I think the babies name is, say all kinds of stuff.  I listened to racial slurs, political slurs, sexual inuendos as well as discrimination towards the mother on that show.  I also heard plenty, I mean plenty of cursing.  B**** S**** and he is sitting there saying oh I wish it weren't so vulgar.  It would still be hysterical without all the vulgarity.  I mean he knew it was inappropriate and yet sat there for 30 minutes laughing out loud and carrying on (manic right???!!!!)  AFter about 15 minutes I got up and stood right behind him... Like I was trying to say... Hmmmm boss whats up with this double standard.... I think he might have got the hint but didn't want to stop because it then would look like he was doing something wrong I guess.After writing me up "first and final warning before termination of post" for being unprofessional and saying the fword.  He sits there right next to me all excited and gung ho for this nasty little cartoon.  Obvilious to the association of these two things.  Oh and another thing a week ago me and my ONE friend here were upstairs getting coffee and toasting some bread/bagel.  We had just sat down to put our toppings on the toast/bagel and put creamer in our coffee (which I was actively doing when) he walked in.  He was so mad that we were sitting down in the break room.  He said that we were not paid for leisurely breakfasts.  We are to be sitting at our desks.  We signed on for this job and that is how it goes... Then he sent this email out to everyone ...A couple of things...Just to be clear on what is expected as far as our work hours are concerned.   I'm not opposed to you eating while at work and at your desk but it's unrealistic to think that we should pay for you to enjoy a leisurely breakfast while on the clock in the break room.    Lastly - if you can't enjoy the coffee we have provided here in the building then you'll need to either bring your own coffee in a thermos or have nothing at all - no more leaving the building to go across the street.    This is not heavy handed...it's the job we all signed up for...and realistically...it's a JOB not recess.

Now how does that figure into the 30 minutes he spent watching Family Guy online (which he has done many times at his desk).  He has also spent hours working on his ancestry with one of my coworkers here.  I mean the guy is a walking contridiction, and double standard.  I'm keeping records of everything and lining up my ducks and all that... But it just busts me up that he can do this and not recognize what a bastard he is being.  How he is discriminating against the women here.  How he is discriminating against me for being BP.  I told him but I absolutely regret it .  Ever since he has watched me with a fine tooth comb.  And can you believe his sister is BP (I think he is too!!!!) however you would think he would treat me how he would want his sister to be treated at her job.  Oh well.... F.... Him! Right.... Haha...