I'm really bad right now.  Im' taking a new dose of Seroquel and Lamictal and I'm really really tired.  But not so tired I can go to sleep just tired enough to hate my husband for just existing and feel like everyuthing my son does is annoying.  I'm just so tired.  So very tired.   I feel for the spouses of us BP's so much.  I feel for my husband.  Like what kind of bad luck he has to have married me.  I know that I bring a lot of good in to his life, but I'm sure he wonders what it would be like to not have to put up with me or have such a needy wife.  It's a horrible feeling.  It makes me just want to die.  I don't want to hurt him, but I do.  We went shopping today at Walmart and I started shaking like a leaf and he was mad at me because I left him by himself earlier on and he had just found me.  He said harshly "What is wrong with you!" His face was all horrible and mad.  I told him that he knows I'm going through a med change and that is almost the hardest time a BP goes through (with the exception of depression).  I told him that I was feeling really badly and just need him to leave me alone for awhile.  He was so mad.  I took my compact out and showed him his face.  I told him that his face, his tone and his attitude is hurting me right now.  I told him that he is right that it was wrong for me to go off but he has to realize that I'm not feeling right and that it can't be about him right now.  It can't be about he feels right now.  He recognized how hard his face was and went out into the car with my son so I could get the shopping done (this was a great relief but still I'm home now and I don't want him near me at all!)  Anyhow enough about me I'm sorry to ramble. I guess I just need to get it all out.