I am almost too tired to type and my eyelids keep falling over my eyes.  I feel numb like inside I'm raging mad but I can't get my body or mouth or anything to speak or express what I feel inside. My PDOC wanted me to double my Lamictal and take 50-200mg of Seroquel with Zoloft which I really am not sure I want to do.  So I took 100mg of Lamictal and 50mg of Seroquel to start off with.  "And here I am baby" (music) a zombie!  Man I would pay someone else money to have the option to go back to bed.  I feel like it takes everything to sit up right in this chair.  And all I want to do is stuff my face with "feel good food" like chocolate.  My boss has already got on my case this morning.  I went upstairs to toast my bread, and grab a cup of coffee and I was sitting down putting the creamer in my cup (mostly because I was too tired to stand up) and he was like "It's not ok to sit up here and eat food.  You can go down to your desk and eat." I didn't really jump up and run out and then he was like "I mean now you need to eat at your desk." I was screaming inside, but I finished putting the creamer in the cup threw away the empty tubs, spread hte jam on my bread I had already dabbed out and then picked up my stuff and went downstairs screaming in side!  What in the world.  Why would he have a problem with us when he is up there doing the same damn thing! I mean really!!!!! I know he has a lot going wrong in his life right now.... (unfortunately I'm pretty kind of happy about this) but he just has no compassion for others, and is like this dumb joke type over 40 kind of guy trying to be 20 again.  He knows I'm BP and is harder on me than anyone else.  This is supposed to be a Christian company "guffaw!".  I'm having Post Traumatic Stress  Syndrome from work... Don't war veterans have that... I guess this place is a war zone too... ha! I hate it here.  I hate feeling this way.  I hate being BP.  I hate being weak when I want to be strong and always being late, and over sleeping and having such a hard damn time doing what I need to do.  I hate that I freak out and vomit my emotions all over the one's I love... I just hate hate hate all of this...My mom says that when I feel like this I should start Praising God and thanking him.  So I guess I'll try that now.  Hope no one else is having as "........" a day as I am having. Jen