AAAAAHHHHHHHH! Well let's chart it! Had another freak out last night.  I mean a bad one.  Well I'm allergic to eggs and I was all excited because our sales team was going to go out to lunch at this really expensive restaurant Merchants on Broadway downtown Nashville!  My boss knows I'm allergic to eggs but he keeps picking these obscure places whose menus I don't know (nor could I afford to get to know). And then a day or so before he remembers and he's like well if you can't eat it then you should bring a bag lunch.  So I called before blah blah blah and made sure that I knew what had egg and what didn't we only made it to the salad before I started having a terrible reaction.  I don't know what they put the egg in but I was gravely ill! stomach cramps belching vomiting diarrhea I mean everything except total body shut down I was on all fours in the bathroom shaking like a leaf trying to muster enough strength to stand up again.  It was torture.  I took some more antihisitimine and it kicked in a bit but I was still belching and cramping just not leaking from both ends! It was aweful aweful aaweful... and I walk out of the bathroom (we carpooled and it was time to leave). One of my coworkers told him that we didn't have to rush me to a CVS or something in order for me to stop throwing up and then he announces to the team (and never asks me if I"m ok or whatever) that I am fine and we were moving on and he just walks out and jumps in his car.  I spent the next 2 hours cramping my way through some stupid modern art exhibit trying very hard not to throw up.  It was so God aweful.  And yo uwould htink the aweful would end there!!! NOPE not my luck when it rains it anvils! Finally it was time to go home and I was dropped off at my car.  I drove home as fast as traffic would let me.  I wanted to take a hot bath and drink a cup of warm tea.  I get home and sit down to dinner (didn't eat anything cause my stomach hurt, but we do that as a family tradition).  FINALLY FINALLY I was able to go upstairs and take a bath.  I crawl in and right behind me by 5 minutes my 3 year old son comes and plops in the tub. I'm laying there naked in the fetal position shaking from head to foot and my husband doesn't even have the decency to watch Caleb to let me get better!  So I get out and head into my bead with a heating pad and a now cold drink of water (my nurse friend said cold was better and Rickie was willing at that point to go and get me a drink.  Caleb was still in the tub but I could see him in my master bath.  Rick ran to the store 1 mile away to get me some ginger ale, and took 1/2 hour.  What the heck!!! right!!!!!! Anyhow Caleb chose at that point to dump the entire bottle of body wash that I own a $6 dollar bottle into the tub and get it into his eyes.  I at this point was fully triggered into a rage.  A full on can't control myself rage.  I wanted to break things hurt things... I was so angry!  I just put Caleb on the toilet in a towel in time out and waited for Rickie to show up!  He showed up and laughed he laughed at what Caleb had done.  I was devastated and spoke in confidence before he went in to see what Caleb had done.  I asked him to not laugh and to reprimand him.  But he went in there and laughed and rubbed Caleb's back and said it was ok.  (I WANTED TO KILL HIM!) So I let that go and we go downstairs to watch tv.  I'm just so exhausted sitting was too hard...  Next thing I know Caleb is all over me driving me crazy and Rickie is no where to be found.  It was 8 pm and Rickie had gone to bed leaving me with Caleb.  Oh I was so angry I called him 4 times and he wouldn't come.  I sent Caleb to tell him that mommy needed Daddy and I heard Caleb tell him and still he wouldn't come.  So all of my rage helped me get enough momentum to go upstairs and throw a full on smashing and bashing temper tantrum at my husband.  Who wouldn't look at me or talk or anything just did the "i'm pretending to be a freaking wall thing".  So I pushed him saying look at me.. And he spun around lifted his arm up in the air and almost punched me.... Scared the shit out of my son and me.  I put Caleb in his room comforted him to stop him from crying went back in my husbands room and told him that he was going to come in the room with my son.  Show Caleb that everything is ok and that there is nothing to worry about.  Read Caleb curious george and get him off to sleep so that we could finish our fight.   Caleb was fine and fell fast asleep so we went back in our room and talked.  I went first and just went into how he is not helping me when I say I don't feel good I don't feel good and to ignore that is dangerous because I need a break and I dont' react normal or act normal when I don't feel good.  My head was spinnning it has been off for 3 weeks now.  I told him that I haven't really told him to scare him.  I've said a couple of times in passing things aren't right and I need to go see my doc.  But I didn't try and alarm him!  Anyhow I was in tears and I just went on and on and on about how in order for this to work he needs to support me.  How most people with BP are not working full time, and can't even get out of bed.  I'm working as hard as I can for this family to try and maintain a semblence of normalcy.  Even though I don't live it in my head.  I asked him why he didn't come when I called for him and he said he figured it was some stupid thing I could just do myself.  Oh I'm so serious I was so mad at him... I'll write more later I have to go to this stupid meeting at work now (I can't believe I was able to get up and get here... I feel like I have a hangover... I always do when I've had an outburst. ) J