SOOOOOooooo!  What the heck is the deal with morning.  I feel like a freaking vampire.  Every day I can not get up I just can't.  I set three alarms and I spread them around the room, one is even in the bathroom! I set each one at a different time with 3 snooze options.  I NEVER WAKE UP TO THEM! The only thing that seems to get me up is 6:15.  Yes the time.  I can only get up then.  I need to get up at 5am.  I just can't do it.  Besides all of that stuff I'm doing... That is what I have to do to just make it up at 6.  What the heck would I have to do to get up at 5!!!!!!! Why is this such a problem for me.  Anyhow! I woke up really agitated this morning.  Every part of my body aches!  (I stopped doing yoga for a week) My nerves (I have nerve disorder) are really getting bad.  So even though I got up late I decided to do my yoga.  Couldn't barely touch my toes and was sweating after hte first stretch.  It hurt like crazy!  Well then I took a shower and got dressed.  For some reason I have been having a terrible time getting dressed lately.  I just don't like anything I have to wear and so I stand there naked staring in the closet.  Pick something try it on look in the mirror and then take it off.  I do this like 3 times before I finally choose something I stil ldon't like.  Wake the baby up.  We have a special time (I force myself to do even when I don't have time).   Working full time and being a BP freak I have to really stop and focus on him.  It is an excercise in control and can be very hard for me. So I wake him up by picking him out of bed and rocking him in a rocking chair just having a gentle bantor bringing the day to him in my arms.  It is a really wonderful moment.  And those of you who have 3 year old boys know that this moment comes few and far between but I've notcied he is not a morning person either and so he cherishes the gentle wake up as well.  So I have to be to work at 8:30 and I'm running late as it is. We do our cherish moment which is important but now I'm feeling so much pressure I might explode.  Of course he wants to play footsies when it is time to put on his socks and shoes.  I'm ready to scream!  I go downstairs to find out that my husband put the ham back in the freezer.  The day before I took it down and put it in the fridge to take for lunch today.  He just put it back in the freezer! ARGH ARGH so I called him and ranted him out at work... never a good choice.  Just not fair to him.  Then I go to leave and I'm leaving 30 minutes late now.  I can not find Caleb's coat!  Rickie didn't put that back.  Oh and I forgot that during all of this Caleb is standing 3 inches from my leg the whole time and talking incessantly.  Normal people might loose it now... I'm barely holding in the nuclear explosion I want to release! So we get in the car, drive to the daycare, and I come to work.   I really think that my life is too much for a BP.  I want it to be easier.  How are we BP's supposed to handle work, kids, husband sabotage, and general emotional upheaval?  How???  Today was like one trigger after another.  Even now I'm sitting here with three cups of different liquid to try and sooth this away.  I made ginger, apple cider vinegar (lots of healing qualities) and htat is in my music car mug to the left.  I made tea with lime in it and that is in front of me, and I have hot chocolate on the right side of me.  Isn 't that ridiculous!  Ok... I think that is all.... OH AND I MADE AN APPOINTMENT WITH MY PDOC FOR MONDAY AT 11:45! I DON'T WANT TO GO SEE HIM BUT I NEED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS STUFF THAT IS GOING ON.  SHOULD PROBABLY CALL THE THERAPIST AS WELL.... DON'T WANT TO DO THAT EITHER.  ARGH!