I only have a second to write because my 3 year old just got up and I've been commenting on anothers journal entries.  Yesterday was a really horrible day with how I was feelign and that feeling continued to reign through the entire day.  My bf Irma basically told me that I was fat because I wasn't disciplined enough and she is probably right except I just didn't want to hear it.  Then she took me to this cookie bar place in a mall to get a cookie for our kids.  I'm like ok how expensive can a cookie be...Well let me tell you I could have backed 12 dozen for the cost of 1 cookie $2.50.  If you read back in my journal I have given my husband control of all of my money so that I don't ruin myself financially anymore.  Anyhow he only gives me like 5 dollars a week.  I was so furious about the money for the cookie I turned and told my friend that she should not bring me to these kinds of places.  And she laughed and she said it was only 2.50.  I said I know that you might not think 2.50 is a lot but there are whole weeks where that is all I have.  Oh I was so mad and I came home and my husband smoked the rest of my cigs.  What a horrible day and he could tell so he asked me what was wrong and I burst into tears.  He was so kind and comforting.  It was wierd that is not what he is like.  But it was really nice. Anyhow that was yesterday.  Today I feel smoggy.  I feel like I can't see out of my own eyes and that they keep wanting to fall shut.I didn't want to get out of bed and it took such a great deal of effot to do so and all I have done since getting up is lazed around.  In 1 1/2 hours I have only eaten breakfast sat outside and done 2 loads of laundry.  What a mess.  Well I'm sticking with horrible again only because I really  feel cruddy.  I'm not suicidal though and that is good.