I don't know how my life will unfold. I don't think that my medications are at a therapeutic level. Sometimes i feel ok, good and anticipating great things for my future. Then something changes and I feel anxiety and fear towards school and work. I have very little time to do things I want to, to make plans or to be spontaneous with my life. I have not had a weekend free in about four of five weeks. And pairing work with school back to back I have to find specific times to do school work and studying. 
I don't know what I am panicking about I don't know what there is to be afraid of? I feel like there is something that I am not doing right or something I am missing that people expect me to do. I think that I am fearful of failing. 
I want to try a new drug, Ketemine. But, I don't want to add on anything to my already extensive medication regimen. All these meds are taking a toll on my body and I'm trying to live with the effects, but those are difficult to deal with as well. i don't know what's going on anymore and every day I feel sick just from taking the meds that are supposed to make me feel better, I suppose that if I am feeling more level with the side effects its better than cycle through manic and depressive periods ruining everything in my path. 
Im watching a heavy movie and I'd like to finish it. I hope to check in sooner next time, just time moves quickly and