I'm really sad. I missed my appointment with my p doc this afternoon and I know that she hates when I am late or don't show which is what happened today. I suppose if I need to I'll just stop everything, medications and therapy. I can't afford it anyway. I was with Rachael for most of the morning and early afternoon where she told me something again. She told me that my other good friend, Katie, lies to me when she is with Rachael and tells her to not say Katie is there. Then Katie told Rachael that she felt uncomfortable or weird when I once said that if I were straight we would make a good couple. I don't know what I do to Katie to make her no be very friendly. She is simply not a friend of mine and now Rachael is being sketchy too. Last night and today she was all for going to a party with me and now she said that she can't go just at 8pm and now  she is not resounding to my text messages. So I am left to assume that she is no longer interested in going with me so I suppose that I am not going either, because I really don't want to go alone. Who goes alone to these things?
 
I feel depressed and now I just want to smoke pot and drink champagne and spend the night at home doing whatever I do. Maybe I'll journal some more. Why does this fucking shit always have to happen to me? I am scared too, I am not sure what to do. Do I remain friends with them or do I just turn the phone off and disconnect from life for a little while. I have to go get OJ for my mimosas.
 
Goodnight moon.