I am sitting  little girl this evening. She is the daughter of my neighbor, so I suppose that it is more of a favor than it is a job. It will be some easy money and I suppose I am looking forward to seeing how it goes. I have not worked as a sitter since I was in early high school. The battery on my laptop is dying so I am not sure how much time I will have to type. I want to get out a long journal tonight. It is not easy to be with mom right now because she is so depressed and she is making herself even more depressed by feeding into the feelings. She is not in therapy and doesn't take any prescribed psych medications.  She is not in good shape, but I have told her a couple times now that she needs to seek help and I think she knows it too. I really want a job though, maybe it will boost my self-esteem, I don't know anymore. I don't know what really to do... finish school or go straight to work. I want to be a psychologist, but I am... I am going to fail all of this semester's courses, it will hit my GPA hard and my transcript even harder. I have literally just given up and now I can't get myself re-motivated for the rest of this semester. 
 
I suppose that I will just have to go into this new semester with a different attitude. I'm lost I don't know what to do. I can't even get myself to discuss this issue with my father because I fear what he may say. Or what he may ask about the money that I received as an inheritance. I think that if I get a job at Sprint I will take that job because soon I am going to need the health insurance, because there is no way that I can afford the drugs on their own. Or I can wait until the shit really hits the fan and then I can kill myself. There are so many emotions flowing and thoughts running. I need some help. I just don't know what kind and how to ask for it. Do I go to the hospital?