I'm on my vacation, and I forgot the notebook with all my notes on abnormal psychology, so now I feel worthless like I can't do my work, but at the same time I can't do anything about it so i might swell just spend my time here well and make sure that I just do my studying all day tomorrow... so relax now! I am still having some suicidal thoughts, but now that I am with Rachael and can't really get away it kinda keeps me form thinking about suicide. I still think about it though, a lot of the time. I emailed a professor today to try to get my test moved from Monday to another day and I blamed it on the fact that I am going through some severe symptoms with my mental illness and that he should be sympathetic towards these symptoms. I think that I need to take a xanax right now. I'm just sad. And I'd like to find a job on top of all this. And, my mom is getting on my back for dropping a class, but I should be pissed too because now it is starting all over again! Just like every semester before. I don't want to go back to that place I don't want to be depressed and I know inside that I don't want to die right now, but all I want to do is kill myself and see if there is anything after that and if so is it any better than where I am now? Well I can't go into this right now i am going to go hang out with Rachael. She is taking me to a nice place for dinner tonight in Boulder. And then we may meet up with Neida and Grant, but for some reason I am thinking' thats not going to happen, but if it does I think we'll have a great time. The pool and hot tub is open 24hours a day here so its nice to go in really late. I'll have to let you know what happens of the rest of my vacation later.
 
Goodnight moon.