I increased my medication and now I can feel it taking some effect on me. But I am very very anxious about my money, about the money my grandparents left to me. I can't believe how much money that I spent at my two nights at the Weston. I won't be doing these stay cations anymore... at least not until I start making some of  my own money, and now I have to keep thinking about graduate school for a Ph.D. in psychology. I really do want to become a psychologist, I feel that it would be a good fit for me. 
 
After this weekend I am very cautious about my friendship with Rachael. She made some horrible judgments and offending comments towards Katie, some even offended me. And this all began simply because Rachael asked Katie to come over for her garage sale and when Katie said she had other plans Rachael went crazy. It's going to take a lot to get them back together if they both wish to sometime in the future. 
 
I am having some suicidal thoughts still and I don't know what they are about and how to deal with it. In a way I just feel depressed again. Where is the depression coming from? I am so tired and feel no motivation to do anything. I mowed the lawn this morning and will be going to a movie with mom soon here, but I would just love to lay here and doasolutley nothing.
 
I'm so tired and i need to do some resting. I'll write later. 
 
Goodnight moon.