I think I am going to go to my dispensary tomorrow and get some edibles. I need to go to the doctor and renew my license even though I knew that I wanted stop once it was expired by I know that it is a connivence to have a medicinal marijuana license when I need it. Rachael works at the dispensary that I go to and I'll see her tomorrow even though there is a branch of the same dispensary in my area. I think that it will be nice to see her. Aramark does not drug test soI have no problem smoking pot while holding that job, as long as i don't show up to work high. Things have gotten a little better and I am not feeling quite as depressed as I was in the last couple days. I took a xanax (2mg) and have been drinking champaign and whisky so I am not sure if my emotions are just being suppressed by this alcohol and these pharmaceutical drugs. 
It is not that I am addicted to the medications but it is that I am addicted to having them. I like to know that I have these very strong medications at my disposal because I know that others don't have this fortunate allowance of chemically altering tablets. 
Katie has become odd. she told me the other day that she does not need to hear from or talk to her friends everyday and that is why she ignored me the other day. I think that is a bullshit excuse for not talking to me. I would at least explain the situation to her before ignoring her completely. I thought something was wrong, both in general and between us. Apparently nothing is wrong in either place. I am so tired I have to go. I think that I am going to smoke some pot and take a good night's sleep. Huh, crown royal and pot... sounds good to me. I wonder if i am self-medicating or if I am just being a normal person and experimenting with somethings that make me feel different and better about myself. Let's see how all of this goes. 
Goodnight moon.