I just got back from a trip that I took by myself. I thought it would be fun to take the train from Denver to Glenwood Springs and then stay one night there and turn around on the train. I booked myself on first class, in the sleeper car of the train so I would be more comfortable and I ended up spending two nights in Glenwood Springs. IN some ways it was nice to have a vacation to myself, I went to the hot springs, but in other ways it was somewhat depressing to go away by myself. There was no one to share the expiernece with and that kinda got me down. I am home now and I can't work because the Rockies are out of town so there are no home baseball games. I have a lot of time off and I don't want to be spending a lot of my money. If I go to work I don't spend any money but if I am off I end up spending great deals of it on things that dont matter.
 
I am on a very low dose of seroquel then some conazapam and 900mg of lithium. I take it all at bedtime. I found out (now so late) that I can simply request refills to medications through the internet, and then they will fax my doctor, who I am sure I will not hear from until next week.
 
I am watching a psychological thriller (or at least that is what it said) and it is all about meeting people online and then meeting them in a remote location to all commit suicide together. A while ago I would have said that this is a great idea but now it seems illogical. Sometimes I think about suicide and the way that it can allow me to escape from the painful reality that I am living, but sometimes things get better. Suicide is not always a method of release. Life seems to prosperous to simply kill myself. Because, I can do this. I can get through this. It really does get better. I wish I could write a book like Kay Jamison. I've got to go to bed, it's been an odd couple of days. 
 
Goodnight moon.