I feel lost again. I don't know who my friends are, if there are any. I feel like they go behind my back or fail to invite me to the events they go to. I'm just unsure. I have no friends, only simple friends that I can never have a real relationship with. I meet people, but can never keep them as friends. It's very depressing. It's Thursday so I am done with school for the week after my history class. Dad still has not returned my calls to ask if there was something that we can do together tonight. I need to drop off the April statement off to him and try to get him to write the checks today so I can replenish my bank account.
I wish that I had a friend how Rachael was to me all through high school. We had so much fun and very little drama. I'm still kinda pissed at what she has dome to me, but I am willing to forgiver her. I don't even know what she is doing anymore. With what looked like a lot of traveling I don't believe that she is still in school. Is she living off of her parents or what? Something that just popped into my head was that for a holiday a while ago she invited this stranger to come with her to CB and celebrate with her family. She told me this and never thought to invite me up for the weekend. What kind of friend does this?
I really hope my father calls me back this morning so we can try to do something this evening. I really need that money and I want to spend some time with my dad. Are we growing apart because I live with my mom right now? When I get this inheritance I'll be pretty much cut off from my father and I think that will make me feel better, because money wont be an issue between the two of us. Wouldn't that be cool if he had the inheritance check tonight? That would be amazing. I would go right to best buy and purchase that mac I've been needing. I thin that I'll wipe my old one and either give it to Ti or sell it to Khushnur, who wants it for some reason. Though, I think that Ti deserves a laptop and this one has been taken care of very well. it's simply outdated for me.
I'm lonely and when I am lonely I become depressed. I want to take a xanax. I think I will before class since we are watching a video. I have until 11:00am for class and it's around 9:30 right now. I don't know why I do this and come to school severely early. I think its an anxiety thing. I also don't know what to do with the future of my life. I am sure I'll fall into something, however, will I like what I am doing?
Maybe I'll rite later...
Goodnight moon.
I wish that I had a friend how Rachael was to me all through high school. We had so much fun and very little drama. I'm still kinda pissed at what she has dome to me, but I am willing to forgiver her. I don't even know what she is doing anymore. With what looked like a lot of traveling I don't believe that she is still in school. Is she living off of her parents or what? Something that just popped into my head was that for a holiday a while ago she invited this stranger to come with her to CB and celebrate with her family. She told me this and never thought to invite me up for the weekend. What kind of friend does this?
I really hope my father calls me back this morning so we can try to do something this evening. I really need that money and I want to spend some time with my dad. Are we growing apart because I live with my mom right now? When I get this inheritance I'll be pretty much cut off from my father and I think that will make me feel better, because money wont be an issue between the two of us. Wouldn't that be cool if he had the inheritance check tonight? That would be amazing. I would go right to best buy and purchase that mac I've been needing. I thin that I'll wipe my old one and either give it to Ti or sell it to Khushnur, who wants it for some reason. Though, I think that Ti deserves a laptop and this one has been taken care of very well. it's simply outdated for me.
I'm lonely and when I am lonely I become depressed. I want to take a xanax. I think I will before class since we are watching a video. I have until 11:00am for class and it's around 9:30 right now. I don't know why I do this and come to school severely early. I think its an anxiety thing. I also don't know what to do with the future of my life. I am sure I'll fall into something, however, will I like what I am doing?
Maybe I'll rite later...
Goodnight moon.
Replies
I came across your journal by accident. We have a lot in common. I just got done journaling about feeling lonely and having a hard time with friendships. I remember being in college wondering where are my REAL friends. It can be painful at times. I learned over the years that true friends are hard to find and there are a lot of acquaintances.
I see you are trying to come off your medication. Why? It looks like we don\'t do well on the same meds. Have you tried Effexor and Wellbutrin? I cannot live without either.
When I had a lot of anxiety in college I would go completely blank, esp, during tests. I was trying to be that perfect student, which relates to childhood. I learned that I had to prepare for a test at least 1 week before, go in the day of a test and sit in the class early to calm down.
I was so unsure of what I wanted to do when I started college. I switched my major 3 times and finally decided on teaching. It is the best job in the world for me. I know you will find something you enjoy and can be passionate about. Pray for guidance.
Take care, SunnieBoo